Love is a Choice

Recipe for a Happy Marriage

1 cup consideration
2 cups flattery, carefully concealed
2 cups milk of human kindness
1 gallon faith in God and each other
1 reasonable budget, mixed with a generous dash of cooperation
1 cup each, confidence and encouragement
2 cups praise
2 small pinch in-laws
3 tsp. pure extract of "I'd sorry"
1 cup contentment
1 large or two small hobbies
1 cup of blindness to other's faults

For extra flavor, add recreation and a dash of happy memories. Stir well and remove any specks of jealousy, temper or criticism. If you like a sweeter product, add a generous portion of Love. Keep warm with a steady flame of devotion. Never serve with a cold shoulder or hot tongue. Add to the recipe the presence and love of God and you have quite a home.

This was gotten from my new cookbook " Not Just Beans" by Tawra Jean Kellam

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Lately I have been thinking a lot about Marriage and what it takes to make them work. I guess something was said about someone celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and I started thinking of how I went to my step-mom's grandparent's 50th. I had ended up missing my own Grandparent's 50th Anniversary because I was on my yearly visit with my Dad and step-mom. I did not realize at the time what I was missing. It was a big deal and I wish that I had those memories. But I do have other good memories of those grandparents for which I am grateful.

My husband and I got married in July of 1988, in just a few months we will celebrate our 22nd anniversary. The year that we got married there was a very popular song by Randy Travis - "Forever and Ever, Amen." This is one of our songs and when I hear it - it brings back lots of memories.

We live in a disposable world - if something does not make us happy we get rid of it and find something else and it is sad but true that many people feel that way about marriage. When vows are made - they are taken lightly and instead of it being till death do us part - what is really promised is that as long as I am happy I will stay with you. I know of a lady that- as long as she is in the "In Love" stage that is exciting and new she will be married but once that phase is over she thinks the love has gone. And she moves on. She does not realize that Love is not always exciting. That sometimes you have to make the choice to love someone. Any time you are in a long term relationship with someone and have to deal with them a lot - there will be times when you are hurt or they are hurt by you. But what really helps make a relationship strong - not matter the relationship is forgiveness and moving on. I can guarantee you if you are married - your spouse will hurt your feeling, and will not live up to some of your expectations. But I can also guarantee that you have hurt your spouse and have not lived up to some expectation that they had. It happens all the time. We grow up and we see how our parents relationship was and a lot of times their relationship will shape the way we see relationships. But like I said, forgiving one another is the best thing we can do. Having said that - I can also tell you that holding onto resentments of past hurts is probably one of the worst things that we can do for our relationship.

Trust me - I don't know everything about relationships nor is my relationship with my husband perfect, but I just want to touch on relationships and marriage ever so often and share some lessons that I have learned. Maybe by sharing some of my lessons - it will help encourage you.

"(Name), Do you take (name) to be your wedded (husband/wife) to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep(him/her) for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to (him/her) so long as you both shall live?"

These were the promises that we took when we got married. There will be times when you do not feel the love, when you have to choose to love your spouse. God will honor you when you do.
So to summarize what I have said here- just in case it is all a jumbled mess -

Love is not just a feeling - it is a choice. For a relationship to last through the trials of life - there has to be forgiveness given and resentments released. There are many more ingredients to happy relationships and I will be working on a few more post to put up about some of the things that I have learned through the years. I will also try to post the Randy Travis song.

(Flowers above were for our 20th Anniversary. My husband knows that I love flower bouquets that have a mixture of colors in them)