Over the last few months, I have been questioning God. I am not proud of this at all. In fact, I really hesitated to share this with you all. But I felt that maybe someone else has had these thoughts and questions and if I could share my struggle maybe it could help someone else.
During this last week, all of these feelings came to the surface. I was listening to a preacher on a local radio station. The preacher kept saying that God does everything for His honor. And that sometimes the things do not make sense and are painful but that He does them all for His honor and His glory. Well Satan took advantage of the fact that it has been a rough year, to try to make me doubt God.
Here is where I am really embarrassed to share but I am sure that God wants me to share this with you all today so I must go on. I started having thoughts of God being some kind of control freak and that He just wants to make Himself look good and did not care who got hurt along the way. Now do you understand why I was afraid to share this - but it does not stop here.
Then I went on to other things. The next day I heard the same preacher speaking and I ended up having to just turn the radio off for a while. I was upset and I prayed and told God that I wanted to trust Him and have Faith that all things work for good - not only for Him but for me too. (Romans 8:28)
What God did next really touched my heart. As I thought about God and him allowing us to go through struggles- I thought back to the children of Israel in the Bible and how God led them and sometimes God allowed them to go through hard times. But that the ultimate goal was for them to be His people and that the other nations would be drawn to God because of His working through them.
I thought about the verse about God not wanting anyone to be lost. Then as I was thinking about that, I thought of John 12:32 where it says, "And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to Myself." Then I realized that when the Bible speaks of God doing everything for His honor, I realized it was in order for him to draw people to Him through us. And the only way He can use us is to allow trials to come our way in order to shape our characters. Then we will reflect His character and glory and in doing so, attract people to the God they see in us. Wow! I had such a peace. God had helped bring me out of my doubt and given me an understanding of His ultimate goal for my life.
I also realized how very important it is for us to be studying the word of God - the Bible - for ourselves. And one of the benefits of studying the Bible for ourselves is that when we are struggling or have questions He can bring verses to our minds that help us come to truth. And that is really what we are after.
"Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8
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I have come to realize that I spent a lot of time waiting for God to 'solve' a particular problem. Then, I was sure I would have a 'ministry' helping other people solve this same problem.
ReplyDeleteIt took awhile, and was VERY hard to accept, but I don't see God so much as interested in fixing what ails me, but is more about whispering to me in the dark that, yes, He is still there.
I've also had to learn God is more likely to speak to me in the people and places around me - the one's He has placed in my path - than to a radio preacher whom I do not know and who does not know me.
That was a hard one.
It's important to be careful who we listen to. It's also important to remember that God is perfect and we are imperfect in what we do (thus causing many of our own troubles and wrongly blaming God) and in what we understand.
ReplyDeleteAnd basically, for me, I realized long ago that if I can't see God as perfect in *all* His ways, well, I'm sunk. I can go no farther in my understanding of Him if I doubt that one thing.
Sixteen years ago I began listening to Joyce Meyer teach and through her, God has helped me understand why He does what He does--and to recognize the difference between what He does, what satan does, and the mistakes we and other people make. I highly recommend listening to her everyday. The peace and joy which I have now, daily, are so worth the hundreds of hours I've listened to Joyce and listened to God in quiet times over the last 16 years. The confusion is gone and has been replaced by all good things, namely, truth and trust and joy which cannot be shaken. Blessings, Debra