Weighed...Measured...Wanting

In my life I have felt so many times that I am held to a higher standard than those around me. I think it all began many years ago as a child. My Mom and Dad were both teachers and for several years either one or the other was my teacher at small private schools. And of course, since I was the teachers child - I needed to be a good example to the other kids. I know my parents had no idea what message this put into my head. The message that I needed to be perfect. And that I would just never measure up. And a very sad by product of this thinking is that I have held other people up to higher standards as well.

I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to be going to a 12 step meeting and I have people that I can share my thoughts and feeling with and they can help me think in more healthy ways. I keep being reminded that I need to keep my focus on God. And that God created me - to be me. Not what others expect me to be. That is part of my defect of being a people pleaser. And let me tell you - you can't please everyone. And when you do allow people to be your guide of if you are good enough - you will never feel like you are good enough.


"You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting."

This is how I was feeling earlier today. I had taken my focus off of God and his love for me. And I had allowed someone who had very good intentions in what they said to me - make me feel less than.

"I am sorry you feel that way" and " You may be right"

These are two very useful tools to use when dealing with people. There will be times in all of our lives when something happens and if we go down that road - it will take us to unhealthy thinking and feelings. And instead of going down that road, it is best just to use one of the lines above. It will help defuse the situation and we can continue in our pathway to health.

This morning I had a nice, long talk with my sponsor. She is a very godly woman and I thank God for bringing her into my life. She reminded me that there will be times that I do not measure up to other peoples expectations and that is OK. I am free to be ME.

So the next time that someone wants to hold me up to a high standard, a standard that I can not measure up to - I will say to myself "I am sorry I don't measure up to your expectations." Then I will try to take the focus off of me and focus on God and what he wants to do in my life. I have spent way too much time feeling sorry for myself. Way too much time trying to be someone that is perfect. And I am tired..tired of trying to be someone I am not. I am not perfect and I never will be. One day Jesus will come in the clouds of Glory and I will be changed in a twinkle of an eye - THEN I will be PERFECT - I will be perfect because all of my inperfections will be covered by the Blood of Jesus Christ. But until then I will be journeying towards who God wants me to be.