True Worth...True Beauty

I may have already done a post about this and if I have, I am sorry to bore you but this is something that I have been struggling with/working through lately. It's about self esteem.

I grew up in a family where we(my sister and I) were not told that we were pretty for fear t hat we would get big heads. However, we had uncles who thought it was ok to say rude comments about our weight, and trust me my sister and I were not fat. We come from a family where our bone structure is large. A friend of mine says it's our German heritage - apparently Germans are built sturdy - at least according to her.

All of this along with my need to be perfect - a people pleaser really caused me a lot of grief my entire life. I could not even be happy with who I was and what I looked like- because I was not perfect. But what is sad is that I was fine. I have always been larger than the other kids in my class - for two basic reasons - bone structure and because I started school late so I was a bit older than my classmates. I look back at the few photos I have from those years and am so mad at myself for not just accepting myself. Why was I so hard on myself? Did it do me any good? No, not at all.

So lately I have been struggling with these feelings of not being good enough again. Partly because I have had to take steroids this year and ended up gaining about 20- 25 pounds in the last year. Not real happy about that but there is nothing I can do about it now. And beating myself up with negative thoughts will not change the situation.

I have made an effort to eat more healthfully. Adding more fruits and veggies to my diet. And trying to get more exercise.

One way that I worked towards getting more exercise this week end was for me and my husband to go to the Dallas Arboretum. We spent 3 - 4 hours there just walking around looking at all of the beautiful scenery. My husband enjoyed taking photos throughout. I will try to post a few of these photos tomorrow. Anyway while we were there - I know that I was feeling fatter than usual lately and that I would not be too pleased with photos of myself. I tend to be very hard on myself - you know - I am suppose to be perfect and I am SO far from perfect. Well I finally decided that I would allow my husband to take a few photos and just see what i thought of them later.

Well I was pretty happy to find a couple of them pretty ok. I am not real happy with most of them but I was not surprised at all.

I was proud of myself when I decided not only did I like a photo but I decided to be brave and post the photo to Facebook. You know for me that was hard because like I said I have such high standards of what I should be. But let's face it - I am in my forties now and I need to embrace who I am. I am not perfect. I will never be perfect as long as I live on this imperfect earth. Only when Jesus comes and gives me a new body will I have a perfect body. So I am working towards accepting me for who I am. The me that is heavier than I would like to be. The me who I am extremely too hard on. I am trying to remember that God created me and loves me and what is what gives me value. Not what I look like, not how much I weigh or don't weigh. No  -these things are temporal and when all is said and done - they will be worthless. The beauty that comes from within is the beauty that is what God is looking for. The beauty that comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ in which we become more and more a reflection of our Father. That is the beauty that will last. That is the beauty that will stand to the end.

 

 

So in order for me to work toward being a healthier and more complete me - I decided to also post this photo for you all to see as well. This is me. Me in all my imperfections - the me who wants to become more and more like my heavenly Father. And pray that as I turn my life over to Him - that He will transform into His image. May I not allow myself to be distracted by my physical imperfections-to keep those in their proper perspectives. May I allow Jesus Christ to reign on the Throne in my life.
I hope that you all will realize that God created you and that to Him YOU are beautiful. You may not live up to the high standards of what is perfect in this world, but remember this world is NOT our home. And the values of this world are not the values of our Heavenly Father. You are very special to Him.
Thanks for dropping by and I hope that you will have an awesome day! :O)