Being Real

18 years ago - I went for my well woman appointment. It had been about 2 1/2 -3 years since my last exam- which was done after my son was born. My Dr felt something that did not seem right. He sent me for a trans vaginal ultrasound and within a week of my well woman appointment - I was having surgery to remove the large, cantaloupe sized mass- tumor/cyst type thing that was located on my left ovary. The Dr told me that since it was partially solid - that if it had been left there it could very well turn into cancer.

Well last Thursday was my well woman exam - it has been a little over 2 years since I had been for an exam. Dr felt that because of a lot of problems that I have been having that it would be a good idea for me to go for another trans vaginal ultrasound - so I did that Monday. I have also had a whole lot of blood work done. Now I wait....

The technician doing the ultrasound said that my Dr should get the results on Tuesday - so I thought that I would know what was going on - by Tuesday afternoon at the latest. Didn't happen, my Dr is out of the office on Tuesday afternoons(I had forgotten). So then I thought that today I would hear something. 

So since I had not heard anything by 11am - I called the office to see what I could find out. Receptionist said that my file was on the Dr.'s desk and that someone would call me asap. Well I am still waiting.

The phone has rang a couple of times which set my heart racing, thinking that I would find out something soon. But nope- wrong number and then my Mom wanting to know if I had heard anything.

I just want to be able to take a deep breath and sign of relief that everything is OK, or I want to begin to brace myself of what could possible be ahead. I hope I am being a hypochondriac - I really do. But if I look at the beginning signs of ovarian cancer - and compare them to the symptoms I am having- I have at least 50% of them.

I am trying to keep my focus on God. And trying to keep in mind that nothing will come to me- unless He allows it. Which means if He allows some bad news today - He will supply what is needed to get through what ever is ahead.

And to be perfectly honest with you all- these past 5 years of my life have been full of all sorts of stress. And part of me is thinking if there is nothing wrong with me - it will be only by a miracle from God.

When, if during your journey, you come to a large desert place- if you allow God to work - He will draw you closer to Him and you will learn to trust in Him. And that is very valuable..in and of itself but there is so much more - when you lean on Him - even if it is out of necessity you are drawn into a much deeper, fuller relationship with Him. And that is worth more than gold or jewels.

It is almost 1pm - I still have not heard anything at all. I am going to try to keep my focus on my Heavenly Father. When I hear something I will let you all know. Thank you so much for the prayers over the last few days - they have given me more peace and comfort.