Lesson Learned...I hope

Time for a bit of honesty and transparency. The last couple of days I have wondered if God really loves me(and my family)...what would bring on such a question? A question that deep in my heart is not true but circumstances have a way of pulling you down and then the roaring lion that walks around seeking who he can destroy then gets in the middle of everything and tries to convince you that God does not love you.
As you all know that it has been months since we have seen our granddaughter. November 11th was our last visitation with her. November 28th we got to see her for 15 minutes while she was in the hospital and since then - we have not gotten to see her. We might get a picture ever so often but the pictures are fuzzy and you can't hardly see her. She is three now. We have missed Thanksgiving, Christmas, her birthday, Valentines day, and now it looks like we will miss Easter as well.

So here is the update - The judge ordered mediation. So we have waited patiently for a date. We found out the date this week. The latter part of April. Which means that not only will we miss getting to see our granddaughter for Easter but my son will not get to see her for his birthday. This is all SO hard on us. We are all trying to be patient. We are trying to trust that God is in control. But like I said - I have been feeling like God doesn't really love me.
Today out of the blue as I was getting a load of clothes started - I remembered in the "Facing the Giants" movie where the wife had been trying to get pregnant and she had just found out that she was not pregnant. She was very upset. She had said to God that she would love him even if she could not have children. In the same movies the husband says they will praise God whether they win or lose. Well it finally struck me at the heart - *I* needed to come to the place of Loving God no matter what happened in this situation. I needed to stop feeling like God did not love me if things went bad. We can't depend on our feelings because they can let us down - especially when we are in the midst of a trial. God's love for us never fails.
I was raised where if I was good I would be accepted and loved but if no - then I certainly did not feel loved. And to be truthful maybe that is not really what happened but for some reason this is how I felt. So I have always tried to please - and then it has caused problems like with this situation that we are in - where I think that if I am being good then God will answer my prayers when I want them answered. But you can not put God in a box and expect Him to perform at your whim. So I decided right then - I love God no matter what the outcome is. I will continue to trust His love for me and my family. And I will continue to trust that He is in control. I will pray and ask Him for the strength to get through these "set backs" and Thanks Him for his mercy and grace. Many tears have been shed today. I have tired so hard to be strong for my husband and my son -it has been very hard on them and the last thing they need is for me to be all weepy and sad about it all. That does not help the situation at all.
Please continue to pray for our family. And also for my soon to be ex daughter in law - she has to have a lot of hurt to be striking out so much at my family. She and her family need our prayers as well.