Seeing Myself Through HIS Eyes

Today my Mom posted a photo that was taken at Christmas time-it is a photo that has a history. You see this photo became a family tradition the year that my Mom and Dad got a divorce. When people would go to take our photo - my sister and I would stand on either side of our Mom. And after the first time that this photo was taken it just became a tradition. Here is probably the second one taken:

This photo was taken when I was like 12 years old. The year before this photo was taken was a rough year. There was no more time to be a little girl - I had to grow up. That is what divorce does to children- that is the plain truth. Adults think it is their life and they can choose to do what ever they want but what they do not understand is what it does to their children. Well that is really not what I meant for this blog post to be about but felt like I was suppose to write it - like someone needed to hear it. And for no other reason - I needed to get it out. You hold on to pain - pain that is so deep that you don't always realize it is there.

So what was this post about - I am still trying to figure that out. But it started with my Mom posting the photo from Christmas. And me - not being smart enough to pick out a slimming outfit. No- I go with a shirt that has fabric that feels so good - but that is sloppy looking on me - I did not figure this out until after I saw the photos. So what have I learned- anytime that I am going to my Mother's house for a holiday - to pick out a great outfit that is slimming, that don't mind having my photo taken in.

I have debated on if I wanted to use this photo or not. But I guess it is part the facts and so I should just post it - even if I don't feel like it is very flattering I need to be real.

Whoops - that is not it- that is just how I feel when I look at the photo.
So here it is- I actually wear a size smaller than my sister at this time - but the photo makes me look like the biggest one in the photo.

I did not like how I felt about myself when I saw this photo. I wish I could learn to accept myself better. I wish I would not be so harsh on myself. So I have a long ways to go on this journey. But putting God in the driver's seat makes it a much better journey. And if God is in the driver's seat then I need to keep in mind of how He sees me - with love and acceptance. And THAT is how I need to see me. :o)