Between a Rock and a Hard Spot

I feel like I am between a rock and a hard spot. I really don't want to go into a lot of detail but I can say that over the last couple of years I have been doing a lot of changing. I think I have shared with you about learning of my character defects. I had to come to terms with the fact that I had allowed life circumstance to cause me to work really hard at self preservation instead of depending on God to meet my needs. I thought I had to do what ever I could to meet those needs. This caused some problems in my extended family. What is sad, is that I had no idea that my need to feel like I was of value and loved - had caused another family member guilt and resentment towards me.
When I began to work through the negative responses that I had to certain situations in my family - the change in me- changed the dynamics in the family. And when something unrelated to this problem came up - all of a sudden all the resentment came out of this family member- her true feelings that she had held inside for so long -all came to the surface. I realized that I had(even though it was was unintentional) caused her grief by my behavior~my behaviors rooted in the need to be loved and valued. The little helpless girl inside had been screaming- "love me, please love me." And when I did not feel this love that I so desperately needed - I would point it out. Anyway, I realized that I owed this family member an apology. So I let her know how sorry I was for any harm I had caused her.

Things seem as if they are ok -we e-mail but that is it. Things are not ok and there is nothing I can do. The family member had resented me and felt like she had to walk on egg shells around me and now- I really don't know why there seems to be a problems. It is hard for me to understand the fact that if this person did not like me then- now that I have changed - why is it so hard to like me now.

At this point all I can do is realize that God is in control. And He knows what is best.

God lead the children of Israel to the Red Sea - and there they were between a rock and a hard place.

"And they said unto Moses, Because [there were] no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt?

12 (Is] not this the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For [it had been] better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness."

13 And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.

14 The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." Exodus 14:11-14


This story recorded in the Bible(like all the rest) are there to help encourage us along our journey through life. And this story also helps me to realize that God is in control and I can trust Him.

"The path where God leads the way may be through the desert or the sea, but it is a safe path." PP290