Pausing at the Wall

In our journeys to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle any of us have things that derail us. It can be different things for different people and some of us can have more than one wall that we will face.

So last I spoke of a wall- I shared of making it passed the wall of time. In the past, I have attempted to lose weight only to fall off the wagon at about the one year mark. Thankfully I have made it passed that wall.

I also hinted about making it passed another wall and I would share of it soon. Now, a couple of weeks later and no post sharing about this mysterious wall. Well I have a very good reason for that, I really do...Stick around and I will explain.

The wall I was talking about is overwhelming emotions. Many eat for emotional reasons to help soothe the pain. I also struggle with emotional eating.

In 2009(I think it was) my husband was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's. Actually this was the main reason why I started this blog. I waned to connect with others going through the same things - this did not work out how I wanted it too. In fact, a fellow blogger, who I had highly respected actually left me comments that basically told me to suck it up buttercup. Not in those exact words, but that was the message. I was so disappointed because I thought I would connect with others- not that I would be chastised for sharing our pain and disappointment with this diagnosis.

Anyway, so my husband was on meds for a while till he had a back surgery, they didn't give him meds at the hospital, and he did not want to start taking them again - so he didn't and for a few years was able to go without hem. Until earlier this year, when the shaking began to make it challenging for him to do his job, so he make an appointment.

While he was off his meds, I had thought that I had come to a place of acceptance of the situation but going to this Dr appointment and being reminded of some of the unpleasant side effects stirred up the emotions; apparently I had just tucked that pain neatly away. Going to this appointment and my husband having to go back on meds brought a lot of those negative emotions up. The first two weeks after the appointment were a big of a challenge. I was still caring for my granddaughter and I wanted to spend quality time with her, but I feel that with putting so much energy into trying not to break down- distracted me from what I had wanted my time with her to look like.

Once the end of July came and it was time for SweetPea to go to her Mom- that's when I broke down - not just because of my husband, but also because my granddaughter did not want to go back and my heart broke for her. She shouldn't have to be away from either parent- divorce stinks for everyone involved....

For the next two weeks, I struggled like I hadn't struggled, well since going through chemo and losing my hair. A lot of tears were shed. yesterday was the first day in two weeks where at the end of the day my mascara was actually still on. I noticed this fact by chance, I was fixing to wash my face and looked in the mirror and thought something was different- a closer look revealed my mascara still in tact. To be honest though - there were a few times through the day where I almost started to cry but was able to distract myself by getting busy or reading an encouraging quote or two. ~(which by the way I will be sharing a little gem of a book with you all named "God Has Promised~ God stand back of every promise He has made," beginning on Wednesday- I know of others who are hurting and need encouragement as well- and I am sure there are other reader who need it as well.)~

So all of the previous information to help you understand that over whelming emotions that I was talking about and these emotions hurt and because they hurt we want to find relief- food is one of the many vises that people turn to in order to soothe themselves and in some ways I have done this. And because of this I did not feel right talking about making it past a wall that I had actually paused at.

Thankfully, I have not allowed the overwhelming emotions to cause me to give up on my goals and my choice for a healthier lifestyle, but it has caused me to allow myself a few more deserts here and there which has stopped the weight loss and has added a couple of pounds to the scales. So right now I can't brag about making it past this wall- all I can do is tell you where I am at - a pause by this wall. I hope the next time I am able to tell of the success of making it past this wall. This week I will be working towards getting the extra couple of pounds off and my hope is that soon, I will be able to report on the success of this mission.

I am not beating myself up for this pause. Many years are spent developing habits of how to cope and we can't expect to change these unhealthy coping skills to healthy ones overnight - it takes time and practice.

I maybe pausing at this wall but I don't expect to stay here. The painful things that I am dealing with in my life are hard and don't seem to be going away, but I am putting my trust and my hope in my heavenly Father - that He will get us through. And that He will help me develop healthier coping skills.

Be sure to come back for my new series on Wednesday. This booklet has helped me not fall into the pit of depression and I think it will be of encouragement to you as well.

6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God,

that He may exalt you in due time,

7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about

 like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings

are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.

10 But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus,

after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

11 To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. 

1 Peter 5:6-11