"hold on for the last half hour"

"The problem of getting great things from God is being able to hold on fort he last half hour."

When I read this statement in my Steams in the Desert Devotional book I knew I needed to share a recent experience. One in which had I not held on I would not have received the blessings from God- spiritual and physical. 

Several weeks ago in my Uninvited study group I shared a recent experience of mine. Instead of getting the acceptance and understanding I had expected, I began getting questions and statements that shut me down- I could feel a wall go up as I felt that this situation was no helping at all and I no longer wanted to even discuss it and I am sure that it was clear in my body language and demeanor. The discussion left me for a while and then the group facilitator, Amy, felt compelled to circle back around to me, going deeper into the idea that I had no handled the situation that I had shared perfectly. At that point all the pain in my life with feelings of rejection or not accepted started bubbling up in my heart and I knew I would be crying soon. So I, as nicely as I could, made my case and let them know they don't possibly know or understand all I am dealing with and that I am handling situations that arise the best I can. "I'm sorry I am not perfect but no one is perfect but God." is how I ended as I packed my things up and left. As I walked out of the room the majority of me really didn't want to go back for the last two meetings, thankfully God had a week to work with me.

During the week God helped me see that sometimes I have the tendency to do the same thing Amy had done. I have the tendency to ask questions and probably make people feel bad for what they did or make them feel as though I think they are wrong. And as I write this I am thinking it sure sounds like maybe I am trying to be the Holy Spirit for others. 

"Who am I to be the Holy Spirit to you?" 

A great quote from the sermon I heard last Sabbath that fits right in with this post. And reinforces that I am on the right track.   

Once I realized I struggle in the same way as Amy had and I realized that I want people to give me grace and acceptance, I knew I needed to continue with the classes. The next week it was a bit difficult to walk into the room, but God gave me the strength. I was happily surprised that some dynamics in the group had chanced for the positive. And the next two classes went much smoother. I have to admit that I did not talk much. I had felt like I had taken up enough of the class time already and I wanted to give the other ladies a chance to talk and I also wanted to hear what others had to say. And truth be told I didn't want to open the door to more hurt. Maybe if the class had continued longer I would have spoke up more, but honestly there were no questions asked or opportunities for me to speak up. I did not feel the nudge from the Holy Spirit to share so I listened. A lot can be learned by listening. 

At the end of the last class, Amy came up and slipped something in my pocket. I decided since she slipped it in, I would wait till I got to my car to see what it was. There were several ladies there that I wanted to visit with after the class. When I got to my car- this is what I pulled out of my pocket: 

She had worn a couple of these scriptural necklaces the first couple of meetings and I had commented on how much I liked them. And she had remembered that and bought one for me. That was so very sweet of him. As I look at this necklace it will remind me the importance of grace and acceptance and hopefully it will help remind me to be care of stepping on the Holy Spirits toes, by trying to do His job, which is not my job! 

After the meeting in which I left upset had I decided not to "hold on for the last half hour" and not gone back - instead of learning lessons, I could have become bitter. And the blessings God had in store for me would have escaped me. Holding on through the ups and downs and trusting God's heart when you don't see His hand - it is instrumental in growth and receiving His blessings. 

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