Thankful for Breakthrough Meds

Just checking in for a few minutes. I now understand what they mean when they say that chemo is cumulative - it really is. When we left chemo on Friday - I actually felt nauseous. I have never before felt nauseous the day of chemo- which is not surprising since the dose of meds that they give me before we start chemo is suppose to be an anti-nausea med that is suppose to last 5 days. Of course when you have chemo meds- they are so powerful that you need an anti-nausea med that is t hat strong. And I am told to start taking my Zofran that evening. So that kind of helps you understand how powerful chemo drugs really are.

I did find out great news- and that is that yes - I could just swallow my Zofran pills with water like I would other pills. Sorry if I am repeating myself with any info tonight- I will blame it on chemo brain- if I do...lol. Zofran is a pill that you dissolve in your mouth- apparently it helps it work faster but my chemo nurse told me it only makes it work a few minutes faster cause once you swallow it - it will work in a couple of minutes. And let me tell you - the flavor - the cheap mint flavor it bad. Especially to someone who has just had chemo. SO VERY happy to be able to take it that way now. What is sad is that the stuff dissolves so fast - that sometimes I can still taste the mint - even swallowing it with water.

Anyway I don't think I have ever felt as nauseous hardly at all before Monday before on the other 4 rounds of chemo- and I have fought it this entire week end- starting Friday at 5pm - when we were leaving chemo. I am having to take the breakthrough meds- and it is helping a little but then it makes me tired. So I have to decide between- being tired or nauseous- anyway very thankful I have something to help. Just hope I can keep it balanced out so that I can keep the nausea under control at least half the time.

I am about to go to bed. I slept pretty late this morning- was very tired- especially having to take the breakthrough meds. But I am just gonna have to do what I have to do to get through this.

Thanks so much for the prayers- I really appreciate them. I really do  _ I need all the help I can get to get through this.

Part Three of our Date Day

Today I will share with you some of the beautiful flowers that we saw. This is just a small sampling.

 

This is actually called a Chenille Tree. I thought it was cool.  

 

I did not get the names of everything. I wish I had have. But at this point - I was getting tired. And we still had a couple of errands that we needed to run.

 It is such a blessing from God - to have so much beauty to see and enjoy.

 I think that He could have went with a lot less variety - but I think that the huge variety of His creations - shows just how very much He loves us.

Well that and of course the fact that He died on the cross for our sins.

I mean seriously - just Him giving up living in Heaven and coming down to this sinful world was already such a great sacrifice, but to lay down His life for us. This is true love.

 I love how being out in nature is really therapeutic to the soul.

 I feel close to God, while I am out in nature. And to be honest - I am getting more and more the desire to be around God's beautiful nature. 

Maybe it is because it is Spring. A time for new beginnings.

 

I hope you have enjoyed a little peak inside of our date day.
And I hope that it did your soul some good just looking at the photos.



Seven Reason Why I keep the Biblical 7th Day Sabbath

Seven reasons why I keep the Biblical 7th Day Sabbath, because:

 

#1) it is the memorial God established for His creation, Genesis 2:1-3

 

#2 ) It is the 4th Commandment, Exodus 20: 8-10. We all believe in keeping the other 9 Commandments, right?

 

#3) Jesus kept it, and He is my example, Luke 4:16

 

#4) We are told it will be kept in heaven, Isaiah 66:23

 

#5) It is the sign between God and I that He re-creates me in His image, Ezekiel 20:12 & 20

 

#6) I want to be in that group of whom Revelation says they "keep the commandments of God and have the testimony of Jesus! Rev.12:17 and 14:12

 

#7) Last but not least because I love Him, and He said, "If you love me keep my Commandments," John 14:15
 

Try it, He made it for you!

 

Be sure to check in later today for Part 3 of the series of our Date Day. :O)

I made it through treatment #5

Thank you all for your prayers. Today I really needed them. I got through the first round of chemo the Taxol - and did fine. They started the Carbo- and about 5 minutes in - my heart started racing a bit - I felt flush, my face turned red and the area around the port got cold. The nurse I had who by the way was excellent said ok lets slow it down and see if that helps. And sure enough things called down and I was able to finish the bag out. I will just make sure I tell the Dr for next time- Which by the way is my LAST chemo treatment!!!! I can NOT wait. Can I make it through the next 6 weeks? I sure hope so. I have made it through the last 12 weeks - some days not so fun - but I have made it.

I have been going to chemo for 12 weeks now and it is so funny but I have never noticed this wall. But today I did - and I knew I had to get a photo of it. SO much truth in these three phrases. Oh and by the way - it says it is a quote by Albert Einstein.

I am feeling a bit more nauseous then I usually do this - the day of chemo. And when I got home. I am thinking that I will take some of my break through meds before bed and hope to keep things under control. Also had some applesauce and crackers- it seems to help to have something on my tummy. But that gets old cause not a lot of stuff sounds good. But hey - we can see the finishing line from here and I am not about to give up.

 

Hoping you all are doing well. Have a great week end. I have two posts scheduled for tomorrow - I hope you enjoy them both. See you soon. Love to you and a BIG THANK YOU for the prayers. :O)

Part Two of our Date Day

So as you walk into the botanical Conservatory - we were welcomed not only by the sound of the waterfall, and the beautiful view, but we also were welcomed by many butterflies fluttering around.

 

 And let me say that it is hard to get photos of butterflies. Many of the butterflies that we saw were always on the move.

 It seemed that most of the brighter colored butterflies were always moving. A lot of them were smaller butterflies as well.

 The sun was shining that day - and we were lucky to get a few of the butterflies sitting in the sunshine.

 This one - feeding at the pretty purple flowers -kept fluttering his wings but I think that my husband did a good job at capturing a photo of him.

And while we were walking around looking at the beautiful scenery and all of the butterflies,

my husband caught a glimpse of this guy and just had to get a photo.

 

Don't forget to come back tomorrow

as I will show some photos

of some beautiful flowers that we saw.

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By the way- today is chemo #5 for me. I would sure appreciate it if you would all continue to keep me in your prayers. Pray that the chemo will only kill the cancer and that my healthy cells/organs and such will be protected from the poison. I sure do appreciate it. :O)

 

Part One of Our Date Day

So I told you all that my husband had worked a double and that way he was going to be off on Friday. Well since he was going to be off on Friday we decided to make it a date day. I had heard about Dallas Blooms- at the Arboretum and since it was only going to go through the first of April - we had planned to go there. Only problem was - it was going to cost quite a bit of money- and then the gas money and the time. And then I thought - I don't know if I have the energy to walk all of it and enjoy it to make it worth it. Plus we had wanted to go to the antique mall and had not had a chance to do that lately. And I knew for sure if we went by the antique mall - I would not be able to make it all the way through the Dallas Blooms. It was then that I remembered a Butterfly exhibit going on. So we decided to do that along with the antique mall. Going through the Antique mall- is great therapy to the soul. I love looking at all the stuff- even though half the time(or more) we don't get anything at all.

So once we were done - we went by Cracker Barrel for lunch. It was nice to sit and relax and have someone else wait on me and then clean up after me as well.

Then it was on to see the butterflies.

They had these awesome butterfly chairs, which we later found out were sold there for $250. each. No wonder they were locked down.

They had these awesome water fountains on either side of the entrance.  

 

 Since there are quite a few photos - I have decided to divide this post into several different posts. Today I will basically show some of the great scenery from this exhibit. Sorry that it seems I have made the photos a little smaller than I had meant to. I'll try to adjust them with the setting here at blogger.

 I was so proud of myself because I finally learned how to put the title of my blog on my photos- I wish I had have stopped and checked out the sizing of what I was doing the photos to- before I did them all. Oh well.

 You do still get a good idea of how pretty it was there. It seems to be such a calming place.
And I think it is awesome that they have the names of the plants and such labeled so if you see something you really like you are able to write down the name of it.

I love the sound of a waterfall. It is very relaxing.

 I thought it was cool that they had a waterfall - and an area where you could actually walk up under it. And feel the water splash and blow on you - when the wind blew.

This is a view to where you walk in at - across the way there - where the yellow thing was.

It as such a pretty day. We really enjoyed ourselves. Be sure to come back by tomorrow when I will have a post about some of the beautiful butterflies that we saw.

Spring Cleaning... One Day at a Time

Hello- How are you all doing? I am doing pretty good. This week has been full of me trying to get things done so that next week - when I don't have very much energy, I can take it easy and relax without guilt. I have even been doing some Spring cleaning and that has felt good.

I even got my husband on board with some spring cleaning. His side of the bed room- which is what you see first when you walk into the bedroom- was very cluttery (Truth be told my whole house is a bit cluttered. I am not a Better Homes and Gardens type of house keeper...lol.) Anyway his side of the room was worse than what I like. Well last week end he worked on his side of the room and it looks SO much nicer now. And that inspired me to work more on my side of the room. And my side looks nicer now. And I even benefited from it - I had needed some new shoe strings. I was going to buy a new pair but the place I normally buy my shoes from stopped carrying these shoes and right now is not a good time to get new shoes - especially if they are a little snug and have to be broke in. My feet are kind of numb so I could rub blisters and do damage without realizing how bad of shape they were in. Anyway while I was organizing I found an old pair of my shoes that had some replacement shoe strings, but the shoes were in bad shape- so I took the strings out and threw the shoes away. And now I don't have to buy new shoe strings. Problems solved.

Last week I worked on Jason's side of the bottom of the closet and today I worked on my side. It is so nice when I see the areas that I have worked in. And I can see the improvements. It is really nice.

At the last seminar meeting that I went to - I learned the importance of having plants in your home. They help with the oxygen level and some plants also help get rid of toxins that are in our homes. So last week - I bought several plants. I already had a plant in my living room and an aloe vera in my kitchen. So I bought a Gerber Daisy plant, African violet, and a golden pothos plant and put them throughout the house. I would like to get a plant or two more. One thing you have to be careful of - if you have pets - dogs and cats - is to get plants that are not poisonous for them. Some plants are deadly and some cause mild irritation  - so just be careful. Seeing the pretty plants around the house has been very nice as well.

I have just remembered that I never shared about what we did on our date day last week. I will try to work on that soon. So sorry - I will blame that on chemo brain - and pcs. Oh speaking of pcs- I have realized that I had forgotten an important lesson. I forgot to take this chemo - One Day At A Time! This is very important especially when we are faced with giant obstacles in our lives. God gives us what we need for each day and we can borrow a lot of trouble if we will just Him.

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage ,

and he shall strengthen thine heart:

 wait , I say, on the LORD.   

Psalms 27:14

 

This has been a theme verse for me this year. And it goes right along with taking things one day at a time. You don't have to face it all right now. Nope - just what is given to you to deal with today. And God knows what you are facing and He will give you the strength and courage to handle what ever He allows to come your way.

 

I Think I Need a Gallon of This....

I don't know if this is true or not but hey - it is worth the try. LOL

This was something floating around Facebook and I luckily saw it! I went to my cabinet and lo and behold - I found that we had some. I put some on my head. I am looking forward to seeing the results- hoping it means that my hair will grow. We shall see.

It's PCS- not PMS...

It seems ever since I such a rough time after chemo- that the week before my next chemo - I become more emotional and a little more crabby as well. So this week-end it was raring its ugly head again and I said to my husband what is causing this - and he said well it seems like each time that you are coming up on the next chemo - you get a bit more emotional and all. Well yeah - I see it too. I am not surprised cause it's like - ok when you feel crappy and it just continues for like 5+ days or so - you really try to avoid getting that sickness again. And with chemo - you know what to expect and you know how you will be feeling and it is hard not to be a little apprehensive about its approach. I am so thankful that this coming Friday will be chemo #5. I am glad that I have 4 of them behind me- but sure wish that this was my last treatment.

Another thing that may cause my PCS - is that on Sabbaths when I go to church - I wear my wig. I actually don't wear it very often other than to church- I guess I am still uncomfortable wearing it - I just feel like people can see right through it - that they can tell I am wearing a wig. So when I get home from church - I take the wig off- and I guess maybe the seeing myself with hair for part of the day - kind of reminds me of when I had hair. So I feel that could also cause me to be emotional.

It's been a little over two months since I have lost my hair - and to be perfectly honest with you guys - I don't think I am every going to be comfortable with losing my hair.
It's funny how there are times even now that I will put a shirt on and I will reach my hand back there - to pull my hair from under my shirt- then I realize I have no hair.

There are also times that I come out of the shower and I put my towel up and then I catch myself reaching for the brush to brush my hair.

After our granddaughter left one day - her brush was sitting near me and I reached for it and was about to brush my hair.. then stopped.

There are times that I don't have a hat on while I am going around in my house and I catch myself to almost go outside to do something - without it and then am SO thankful that I remembered.

 I honestly feel that it would have been SO much easier to go through this whole thing - had I not lost my hair.
Good news is that so far - I still have half of my eye brows left- and a good amount of my eye lashes left- I started out with a lot of both of those- thankfully so it is not too awfully bad to have lost what I have of the eye brows. I can notice that I have lost a decent amount of the hair on my arms. I am so hoping I can hold onto the hair I have left through the rest of this. But I am not holding my breath.

Oh and I will be sharing some great photos of one of the places that we went for our date. I think you all will enjoy them. I am hoping to be able to work on that on Monday. Our son has his daughter this week end so we have been busy.

When God delays, He is not inactive

Today when I read my devotional - it really spoke to me- Especially the middle section. The older I get the more I realize the importance of patience in our walk with God. And this devotional from "Streams in the Desert" reminded me of that again.

I hope it blesses you as well ~

 

"And when forty years were expired, there appeared to him in the wilderness of Mount Sinai an angel of the Lord in a flame of fire in a bush...saying...I have seen the affliction of my people which is in Egypt, and I have heard their groaning, and am come down to deliver them. And now come, I will send thee into Egypt" (Acts 7:30, 32, 34).

That was a long wait in preparation for a great mission. When God delays, He is not inactive. He is getting ready His instruments, He is ripening our powers; and at the appointed moment we shall arise equal to our task. Even Jesus of Nazareth was thirty years in privacy, growing in wisdom before He began His work. --Dr. Jowett.

God is never in a hurry but spends years with those He expects to greatly use. He never thinks the days of preparation too long or too dull.

The hardest ingredient in suffering is often time. A short, sharp pang is easily borne, but when a sorrow drags its weary way through long, monotonous years, and day after day returns with the same dull routine of hopeless agony, the heart loses its strength, and without the grace of God, is sure to sink into the very sullenness of despair. Joseph's was a long trial, and God often has to burn His lessons into the depths of our being by the fires of protracted pain. "He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver," but He knows how long, and like a true goldsmith He stops the fires the moment He sees His image in the glowing metal. We may not see now the outcome of the beautiful plan which God is hiding in the shadow of His hand; it yet may be long concealed; but faith may be sure that He is sitting on the throne, calmly waiting the hour when, with adoring rapture, we shall say, "All things have worked together for good." Like Joseph, let us be more careful to learn all the lessons in the school of sorrow than we are anxious for the hour of deliverance. There is a "need-be" for every lesson, and when we are ready, our deliverance will surely come, and we shall find that we could not have stood in our place of higher service without the very things that were taught us in the ordeal. God is educating us for the future, for higher service and nobler blessings; and if we have the qualities that fit us for a throne, nothing can keep us from it when God's time has come. Don't steal tomorrow out of God's hands. Give God time to speak to you and reveal His will. He is never too late; learn to wait. --Selected

"He never comes too late; He knoweth what is best;
Vex not thyself in vain; until He cometh--REST."
Do not run impetuously before the Lord; learn to wait His time: the minute-hand as well as the hour-hand must point the exact moment for action.

Keeping Busy

Hello everyone~ I hope you are all doing well. I am doing good. And really enjoying our milder weather. 60-70's- my favorite kind of weather. This week has been a busy one. I have had a lot of running to do so have been out of the house 4-6 hours on both Tue and Wed. It felt good to get my stuff done. And I think the extra stuff really has helped cause I slept the best last night that I have slept in the last week and a half.

Today my husband works a double shift - but that is good cause that means he will be off tomorrow. And we will be able to have a date. I look forward to sharing with you all what I think we are going to be doing. It is a good thing that I have pushed myself the last couple of days and will do so again today - because 2 of the things that we want to do will involve a good amount of walking, but I think they will both be good for the soul.

I got a new weed eater. I love my old one but the batteries wore down and to replace the batteries would cost quite a bit - so we decided a new one. And then we will continue to look for a new battery for the old one. Anyway I plan on getting some weed eating done in the back yard today. It is such a pretty day - I will enjoy being outside. Plus I love to have the weeds cut down and the yard look nicer. The yard will probably need to be mowed soon - I am thinking one day next week.

I have a job that I need to go finish before I can get to the weed eating job, and that is cleaning the bottom of our closet out- especially my husbands side. Now I am thinking I should have waited till he was home to help- there is ALOT of stuff in there. Anyway I will do the best I can and at least be able to vacuum it out and put stuff back in neater.

I do hope you all are doing well. :o)

Or.....Not (part 2)

Today we are continuing in our series from yesterday.
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We were so disappointed in not getting the new house. We really wanted to take the house off the market. I was tired, tired of having to be ready to show it a the drop of a hat. And then feeling rejected if it did not sell. But we had signed a years contract with the realty company and we still had several months to go. All along this journey to getting a bigger house(our house at the time was about 800 square foot and we were out growing it) we would have our real estate agent print out a listing of houses available that matched our criteria. As we looked through these house each time we noticed one house specifically. Only problem with it was that it was on a fairly busy road. We had really wanted to be off of a busy road since the house we were living in was like one street over from I35 and the noise from the highway was loud. We also had wanted the boys to be able to ride their bikes.

Well one day either the end of July or the very beginning of Aug of 2000, I was sitting on the front porch of our house. I had a note book and I was writing. A lady pulled in the driveway and she asked me if I was interested in buying the house. I looked at her weird and said, "No....I own the house." She said, "Oh good, my husband is looking for a house and he wants this house. Oh he will need to move in by the 3rd week of Aug." Oh my! After we talked for a while she left. We all jumped in the car and drove to that house that always came up on the list of houses. We had not seen the inside of it yet. We drove past and decided we need to call Larry and set up an apt. to see the house. Later that week we were able to go see it. When we walked into the front door - I could see out the sliding glass doors on the back of the house - into the back yard. There was space and it was wonderful. I looked above the door and noticed that the wallpaper had small pink and blue hearts on it and along the top were larger blue hearts. In my heart, I knew at that moment - this is the house for us. I looked into the living room and the people had furniture packed into it and you could hardly see the fire place for all of the furniture. I thought to my self - I don't think that my husband will go for this at all. Our house might have been small but the living room had plenty of space. We continued to look through the house. When we walked into the master bedroom - I noticed the double window off the back of the house and I loved it. I really like a good amount of windows in a house because I really like the light shining into the house. Anyway we left and talked about the house on the way home. Yes - we wanted it. We put in our bid for it and in time it was accepted and we got it! God is so good. We moved into our "new" house Aug. 24th of 2000. We were unloading the truck until like 10pm. It is a long story but the people were still moving out of the house and made it where we did not even get to start moving in until like about 2pm on Sunday afternoon. Jason was working full time and going to school and the next day he had to go to both so we had to get the truck unloaded and get the truck back.

When we got up the next morning - we knew that this was exactly where we were suppose to be. It was as if we had always lived here. God is so good. He lead us to exactly where we were suppose to be. We would not have been happy in the new house. But we are very happy to be here. We have space - about 3/4th of an acre - and it is plenty of room for us. We can have chickens. Were we live is quiet. And we can sit on our back porch and talk and the neighbors don't hear what we are saying. And believe me - at the other house - they would have heard every word. I praise God for leading us here - even though there was pain along the way.

Above is a photo of the house we got. It is the best photo I could find on my computer at this time. This is after my husband and boys made a really nice flower bed for me.

A New House....Or (part 1) a rerun

A friend shared how today was the anniversary of the beginning of her blog. Well when I went back to find out when I started this blog- I found this series and thought I would share it again. . It is a little bit of my testimony - in which I learned to trust God. I hope you are blessed by it:
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For several years before 2000, My husband and I would check the Internet and see what was available and we would drive around areas that we were interested in living looking for houses for sale. We knew we could not get one yet but we wanted to see what was available. During this time of looking my husband went with his friend Larry, who is also a realtor, to look at some new house. He really liked one of the houses that he looked at. When he got home we started looking on the Internet at floor plans for new homes available in our area. We had a lot of fun talking about what we really wanted in a house.

In January of 2000 we decided that we wanted to buy a brand new home. Our thought was if the house is new then we can move in and not have a lot of repairs to do and just enjoy the house. And there were hardly any houses in that area that the new house would be in at that time. So we picked the lot we wanted, the carpet, the tile, the bricks, and even the windows on the front of the house. We signed a contract but we got a contingency clause put in - that only if our house sold would we be obligated to buy the new house. Then we put the house on the market. We then started packing up everything that we did not need. The new house would not be done till July but we needed to have things packed and ready just in case the house sold quickly. We did some painting and cleaned up the yard and all. We were ready to sell the house. During this time period we would get could get a phone call at any minute from a realtor asking to be able to show the home. And so it was so hard - you really could not get into any time consuming project - just in case.

As the months rolled by we would periodically drive by the new house and see how the progress was going. It was neat to see it at every stage. We would take photos and dream of what we would do with the house. But still no buyer for our house.

I don't remember for sure if it was May or June but a guy decided he wanted to buy our house. Yay! Things were moving right along. Now we just had to wait for the house to be finished. Now I have to add that all along the way I was a little hesitant to believe that we were actually going to get this new house. I mean we did not have a lot of money, and I was not convinced that we would get it. I had prayed that God would not allow us to go through the walk through - if it was not going to work out.
Then our walk through was scheduled - it would be one week before the closing date. We went and we walked through the house and we noticed a few things that we thought that they needed to fix before we signed any papers. As we walked through we could imagine our things in the house, the new living room furniture that we had already picked out and bought and was scheduled to be delivered shortly after closing.

Boy - I did not know I was still upset about what I am about to share. But as we were walking through this nice,new house - I was in the closet - our big walk in closet - looking at all of the space. And I was so happy that I jumped up and down. It was going to happen! I just knew it. Remember I had prayed that I did NOT want to go through the walk through if we were not going to get it. Well anyway we went home and I can't remember if it was that afternoon or the next day but the man that was going to buy our house called and said - sorry I do not want it. We were so let down - it had been 7 months of us thinking we were going to get this house and now... we weren't. The financing company told us - oh you can still get the new house - just rent yours out. Well we were smart enough to know that we did not have enough money to pay both the mortgages if for some reason we could not get a renter. So we backed out of getting the new house. Had a little problems with getting our $500. back but that worked out.

During the next week or so I remember being SO mad at God. I just could not understand why he made us go through the walk through and then us not get this house. I was very mad. Eventually it died down and I was able to realize that if this had not been God's will for our lives I had to trust him. I still don't understand why we had to go through the walk through but I do know that His will was SO much better for us. Now if you go to where our house would have been - you see row after row of houses. I mean it is packed with houses. We never wanted that. We could not imagine what it was going to look like once all the house were built. So now I understand.. what we wanted ...really was not what we wanted or needed. And I need to trust Gods heart even when I can not see His hand.

Great and Small

Goodness- last week was a busy one for us, but today at 5pm- our son had to take our sweet granddaughter home. About one hour later -both my husband and I were already missing that little girl.

I had so dreaded having her this past week. I knew from experience that it would be a rough week. And I did not want her to see me miserable. I had prayed and asked God to please get me through and He certainly did. My husband was such a big help in working things out so that I would be able to get enough rest and not be over taxed through the week. My mother helped as well. And through it all Sweetpea was so very good. She entertained herself well and was pretty content.

After she left - I made supper and as I was making supper I felt joy and contentment. I realized that I was thankful to be feeling good enough to make a meal and clean up afterwards and it really brought me joy. I am becoming more thankful and grateful for all the blessings in my life both great and small. And it feels good.

I am so thankful to be feeling better. I have some aches and pains and the neuropathy in my hands and feet is no fun, but I know it could be SO much worse- and so I am grateful.

I hope you all are doing well. Have a great week. See ya soon. :O)

When You Come to Your Canyon

My devotional from "Streams in the Desert" devotional book~


For our profit (Heb. 12:10).

In one of Ralph Connor's books he tells a story of Gwen. Gwen was a wild, wilful lassie and one who had always been accustomed to having her own way. Then one day she met with a terrible accident which crippled her for life. She became very rebellious and in the murmuring state she was visited by the Sky Pilot, as the missionary among the mountaineers was termed. He told her the parable of the canyon.

"At first there were no canyons, but only the broad, open prairie. One day the Master of the Prairie, walking over his great lawns, where were only grasses, asked the Prairie, 'Where are your flowers?' and the Prairie said, 'Master I have no seeds.'
"Then he spoke to the birds, and they carried seeds of every kind of flower and strewed them far and wide, and soon the prairie bloomed with crocuses and roses and buffalo beans and the yellow crowfoot and the wild sunflowers and the red lilies all summer long. Then the Master came and was well pleased; but he missed the flowers he loved best of all, and he said to the Prairie: 'Where are the clematis and the columbine, the sweet violets and wind-flowers, and all the ferns and flowering shrubs?'

"And again he spoke to the birds, and again they carried all the seeds and scattered them far and wide. But, again, when the Master came he could not find the flowers he loved best of all, and he said: "'Where are those my sweetest flowers?' and the Prairie cried sorrowfully: "'Oh, Master, I cannot keep the flowers, for the winds sweep fiercely, and the sun beats upon my breast, and they wither up and fly away.'
"Then the Master spoke to the Lightning, and with one swift blow the Lightning cleft the Prairie to the heart. And the Prairie rocked and groaned in agony, and for many a day moaned bitterly over the black, jagged, gaping wound. But the river poured its waters through the cleft, and carried down deep black mould.

"And once more the birds carried seeds and strewed them in the canyon. And after a long time the rough rocks were decked out with soft mosses and trailing vines, and all the nooks were hung with clematis and columbine, and great elms lifted their huge tops high up into the sunlight, and down about their feet clustered the low cedars and balsams, and everywhere the violets and wind-flower and maiden-hair grew and bloomed, till the canyon became the Master's favorite place for rest and peace and joy."

Then the Sky Pilot read to her: "The fruit--I'll read 'flowers'--of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness--and some of these grow only in the canyon." "Which are the canyon flowers?" asked Gwen softly, and the Pilot answered: "Gentleness, meekness, longsuffering; but though the others, love, joy, peace, bloom in the open, yet never with so rich a bloom and so sweet a perfume as in the canyon."

For a long time Gwen lay quite still, and then said wistfully, while her lips trembled: "There are no flowers in my canyon, but only ragged rocks." "Some day they will bloom, Gwen dear; the Master will find them, and we, too, shall see them."

Beloved, when you come to your canyon, remember!

Perspective and Balancing Act

This was something floating around Facebook this week. It speaks so much truth. Cancer has really changed my perspective about things. There are things that I used to really love and now-they don't seem as important to me. And that is fine - because they really were not important.

This week I shared the above photo with this added to it~

"This is so true- your perception totally changes. I was just thinking this morning that I may not be perfect by the worlds standards but I have been happy at how strong my body has been through the last several months and all it has been through. So today I just praise God for blessing me with this body and for the strength to continue on in my life's journey."

I am also so very glad that I was taught as a child that even if you don't feel like doing stuff- if it needs to be done - then do it. This has helped me so very much over the past couple of months. There are times when I am tired and don't feel like doing any thing- but like the dishes need to be done - so I will tell myself- do the dishes and then you can get on the computer - or what ever else fun thing I want to do. That way I am able to get the things done that need to get done and I am also able to rest and relax. It's a balancing act - and I don't want to be so on one side that it is not good for me. Not doing anything is not good for me and so is trying to do it all. So I continue to balance and slowly get at least the important things done.

Our weather has been nice today also- the granddaughter and I were able to go in the back yard and play. I needed to get my chickens some fresh water - so I did that too. There is potentially some bad weather coming in tomorrow afternoon- storms. We really need the rain as we are in a drought still- for the past couple of years- the worst year - we lost several trees - and we continue to be in that drought. We really need some rain - not storms just a good steady rain.

I hope you all have a great week end. :O)

A Little Black Cloud

I don't have a lot of time but wanted to check in to say that I am doing alright. Tuesday was a beautiful day here in Texas! Our temps were up in the 80's! I was able to sit outside as my granddaughter played in the sand box. A friend stopped by and we visited for an hour or so- and it was such a nice distraction to have a friend to visit with and get my mind off of the shooting pains and the queasy stomach.

Today it was chilly - we had a cold front blow in - literally over light. It was windy. Our high today was only in the 58 or so.
Today I called my oncologist's nurse to find out what my CA125 number was. This is a test that they do every Friday before chemo- anyway the number has gradually gone down since the first one. Not big drops or anything but a slow steady decline to the number. So today when the nurse told me my number and it had not gone down - but up, really discouraged me. It only went up 1/2 of a number- but still. I am in the middle of chemo- it should be coming down. Anyway it just totally through me for a loop. I mean seriously I am going through pain and discomfort and then to think that it is not even moving the number down like I wanted. I had really wanted to have the number close to zero at the end. And maybe it was my expectations that really got me discouraged today. Anyway it felt like a little black cloud was over me. And I was thinking oh man - just think once the chemo and all is finished then I, then too, will be having to have this same test done and worried about having a recurrence. And there is not much that I can do-worrying does not do me any good at all. And it all reminds me that I have to keep my trust in God. For taking care of me through this part of the journey - the chemo part. And continuing afterwards. God is in control.

I shared on Facebook about being discouraged and I am so thankful for so many godly friends who lift me up in prayer- because I really needed prayers. I got the news just before my husband got back to the house with our sweet grandbaby and I had really felt like I needed to cry- and I am thinking maybe had I had a chance to just grieve -what to me was bad new- then I might have been able to move forward but just had to hold it together and it made that feeling just stick around.

Anyway it has been a busy week with having the granddaughter every day but thankful that God has given me the strength and ability to enjoy the visit. She has been very good and we have sure enjoyed having her around. We will miss her next week.

Ok - I better get to bed- I am tired and I have had a hard time getting to bed at a decent time this week. Plus not getting as much rest as I usually try to get the week after chemo - I have not been sleeping as well- night sweats - waking me up along with the shooting pains. Anyway I hope you all are doing well. May God bless each and every one of you. :o)

Not a Walk In the Park...

I have been reading some cancer boards on the Internet to get helpful information and I have seen the phrase- "Not a walk in the park" several times and thought that it was very applicable to this situation. It is tough.

Anyway I just wanted to check in and say that this Chemo Monday was not as bad as last Chemo Monday- And I am SO very thankful. I have been achy and sore and felt sharp pains hitting here and there throughout my body. And I have had problems with a queasy stomach - even though I have anti- nausea meds to take- it's just part of this journey, an unpleasant part. But I am thankful to say that at least it was not as bad as that last one. I have drank a whole lot of water and tried to eat things that would be soothing to my tummy.

I am awfully tired and thinking I will be going to bed soon. Hope you all are doing good. Good night :O)

Sabbath Praise ~ Your Love Never Fails....

Found this song this week and I think it is awesome! What a great reminder of God's unfailing love. I am so thankful! :O)

A View Into What Chemo Day is Like

It has been a long day. But I am home now.

First I wanted to share a little bit of what it is like when I go for chemo- This is the chair that is exactly like the one I sat in across from it. Today I sat in area one- first time for this. It was neat cause I was sitting facing the whole room of 35 chairs.

 

It did not take me long to realize that I was the one taking the longest chemo in my area- as many people came and went while sat there having my treatment. Oh I wish I could be one so lucky to have an hour or so treatment and then get to leave - how awesome would that be. And to think of the less side effects of less chemo. But I have no control over that so I just have to trust that God is in control.

 

Apparently my blood levels were still good- I was disappointed that my dr and her nurse were out on vacation today - so I have a male dr. And so instead of answering my question - which was - are my blood levels still sitting really good. No he basically just said that the blood levels were good - that is why you will go on with chemo today. Well that was not my question but he did not seem to have time to answer my question - so when I call the nurse later this week to find out my CA125 number I will ask her.

 

 

I am pretty tired tonight. I am given benedryl which makes me tired - the problem is that I am a light sleeper so I am not able to get much sleep at all- there is just too much going on- people talking- phones ringing - all sorts of noise.

 

I am working on drinking more water than I did last time- I want to flush this stuff out. I also took a Zofran tonight- my chemo nurse had told me that the first time and I had not realized how important it was to take it.

 

I have heard that it is better to stay on top of nausea because if you don't - it will be hard to get it under control once it is out of control. And that might have been part of what happened last time. Anyway I am doing what I can to try to have a better week. The first two sessions of chemo found me tired and worn down but not so miserable as I was the Monday after the last chemo.

 

Here is a photo of the line hooked up to my port. I am so thankful for the lidocaine spray that helps deaden the area before they place the large needed in- while I take a deep breath- to distract me.

Thought I would share another view- they have windows long the side of the room. It is nice to be able to look out and see what the weather is doing outside. Oh and by the way - wouldn't you know it - the weather was really nice today. Started out cool - like 38 and got up to close to 70 degrees- but I was stuck inside.

 

Ok - well it is getting late and I am tired so I am going to get off of here and get to bed. I hope you all are doing well. God bless and have a great week end! :O)



Godliness is Much Better

It's funny - yesterday while I was on Facebook-  someone had shared this photo above. I thought that was really neat. I had been a little discouraged because at this point I really can not be working towards losing weight or getting in much better shape. It reminded me what was of importance- and that is my relationship with Jesus Christ. A special reminder from God. And as a sweet reader reminded me - those things are just on a shelf - waiting until a later time. Right now I need to be taking care of me the best I can. And I do try to make healthy choices as much as possible and it feels good to be making good choices. Our choices really do make a difference - for now and long term. So whether we are talking about choices for our physical or spiritual life, we need to be making the best ones possible! :O)

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Today is Chemo Day - I will update when I can. Please keep me in your prayers along with another reader -her name is Lisa also - she will be having Chemo as well. Pray that the chemo meds can take care of any cancer that is still in our bodies - but that the healthy parts of our bodies will be protected from the poison. God is able! :o)

Thanks

I just wanted to post a quick post to say Thank You! Thank you ladies for helping me to realize that it is alright to be discourage and frustrated about this cancer "adventure" that I am on. For some reason, I feel guilty - like I don't have enough faith in God if I am feeling sad and discouraged about all the different aspect of this journey that get me down. I am human and it is normal to grieve and I have been thinking about that - and also that there are different stages of it and that sometimes you don't just go through the stages and it ends there- sometimes (especially when the trial that you are going through is a long one) you revisit some of the stages along the way. And I think that is what I have done this week. I know that God is with me every step of the way - and I am trying to keep my focus on Him- with just a few pit stops along the way for little pity parties here and there... lol :O)

Thanks so much for all of your prayers- they are so very much appreciated!!! :O)

Some of What Makes Cancer - a Hard Thing to Come to Terms With

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Yesterday was a tough day - well the last part of it- I was very tired and emotional. I found myself discouraged and a little angry about cancer being a part of my life now. It really does effect you in many different ways. So much so - that it is even hard to explain all of the faucets of what makes it so hard to deal with. There are so many different issues. And sometimes I think that I have come to terms with accepting it and then something happens and I feel the deep hurt of it all over again. I think some of why I was feeling so discouraged about it all is because the Monday after my last chemo was so hard. And just thinking I might be facing that or even worse - since they say that chemo is cumulative meaning the more that you have the more it affects you.

I was looking over some of my paper work from my first chemo and read where my nurse had said to start taking my Zofran Friday evening. Well the last time I had not taken it till Sabbath morning because- it causes constipation - along with one of my chemo meds(if not both) and so I had thought since they give me meds before chemo that they would stay effective till Sabbath morning. Well there is a good chance that by choosing to wait that it could have caused me to do worse with the last chemo. I have also heard that it is best to take the nausea med when directed because if you let the nausea get out of hand it is hard to get it under control again. So this time I will be taking a Zofran on Friday night. And I am sure hoping and praying that I will do better this time around.

Another thing that has been hard on me lately is my weight. When you are going through Chemo is not the time to be trying to lose weight - I have been told this several different times- and I understand and know that it is best to try to take care of my self and not worry about that issue right now. But because of the extra steroids - I feel like I am struggling a little bit more to at least maintain my weight through this battle. Then, although I am very happy for my sister - she has lost 20 pounds- it still is a little bit sad to me because I am struggling to maintain. And then running and being a part of crossfit has become a very popular thing with many of the people that I go to church with. And although I know that this is a healthy thing - it discourages me a bit too - because I am struggling with energy to be able to do just the basics around here - you know the basic cleaning, cooking, etc. And I am good to be able to get out and walk sometimes. And so it is depressing because there has been a part of me that has always wanted to run- but there again - during this time in my life I need to be taking care of me and running would be too excessive right now. Anyway I know these are minor problems - considering all that I am facing right now - but these are just a couple of examples of why this journey seems so difficult at times for me right now.

 

To be honest half the time or more - I am accepting of what is going on. But I just felt like I need to be honest - cancer is very difficult to come to terms with. It is very scary to realize that something so deadly was inside of me growing and I had no idea.

 

The other scary thing that cancer does is now when I hear other people complain about different things- my mind goes to, "could it be cancer?" And I think about how I wish SO very much that I had have caught mine earlier so that just a hysterectomy would have taken care of the problem. So I am so tempted to say something or be worried that it is cancer.

Well I probably better get off of here and be productive for a while. Just wanted to share some of my thoughts and feelings.

Hope you all are doing well.

C.R.E.A.T.I.O.N. and More

Just want to share a little of what I will be learning over the next 8 weeks at the Creation Health Seminar.

C- Choose the gifts given at Creation-
     Exercise your power of Choice and choose Life

R- Choose to Rest and enjoy "nature's sweet restorer"

E- Choose and Environment that you will flourish in

A- Choose Activity- for growth and strength

T- Choose to Trust in God and His wisdom given at Creation-
     a balance of the principles of C.R.E.A.T.I.O.N.

I- Choose to connect through Interpersonal Relationships

O- Choose to have an Outlook on life that reflects the Creator's love

N- Choose to eat God's bounty- enjoy the Nutrition of Eden


Last night we learned that the power of choice is located in the Frontal Lobe.

We learned that:

"The frontal lobe takes up to what person of the brain -

in dogs- 7%  - in chimps- 17%    in humans - 33-38% " 

 

I have a list of things that enhance the frontal lobe's functions.

 

1. Think positive thoughts.

2. Engage in physical and mental activities.

3. Enjoy a massage.

4. Get some sun.

5. Eat plenty of complex carbohydrates.

6. Listen to enjoyable music.

 

We also learned what the common effects of a compromised frontal lobe are:

 

•    Impairment of moral principle
•    Social impairment (loss of love for family)
•    Lack of foresight
•    Inability to do abstract reasoning
•    Inability to interpret Proverbs 
•    Diminished ability for mathematical understanding
•    Loss of empathy
•    Lack of restraint ( boasting, hostility, aggressiveness)
•    Depression

What you eat, drink, hear, or see can either enhance or impair your frontal lobe - the choice is ours. There was so much more detail to everything, but this gives you a basic idea. It was very informative. I was glad I went. I am hoping that I am able to go to next Monday's meeting- it will be about rest. The good news is that I got a book last night so if I am not able to go - I at least have the chapter to read and a little booklet that the gave me last night. So I will not miss it all.

 

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Today I was able to go to my Mom's and watch a cute movie called "Austenland" it was a really enjoyable movie. I ran some errands and went by Aldi's and bought some groceries. I came home and put them away and made supper- and ever since I have been tired and worn out - have also felt kind of depressed today. I don't really know why - I was leaving Aldi's and usually I am feeling positive when I leave there because I can get a decent amount of groceries for a decent amount of money. But today I started to feel emotional.

The only thing I can think of is that when I was leaving - I noticed a guy looking at me and it reminded me that sometimes I don't like to be out and about because I feel vulnerable. I feel like I am on show. I am not one that likes to attract attention and when I had hair I was able to come and go without quite as much attention- and now I feel like I am on show sometimes. It's something in the look that someone has on their face - I guess cause I don't pick it up all the time- just ever so often.

I am sure hoping I am not working on getting sick. I am watching my temperature- it has been a bit higher than it normally has been. I sure hope not - cause if I get a high temp - I would have to go to the ER and more than likely admitted to get iv antibiotics. That is the reason why people on chemo do not like to be around sick people. Our immune system is down and it is easy to get sick - and what is scary is that because our immune system is so low - lots of times the only thing that shows the sickness is the temp being high- because our body is too weak to show the other signs of sickness.
Anyway I had a nice warm bath and I am planning on going to bed early tonight- I am guessing not too long after I get this post done. I am that tired.

 

Freezing Weather- up dated...

There is a big disadvantage when your washer and dryer are located in your garage. Most of the time it is not a big deal. But yesterday by the time that Jason got home with a lot more of our laundry that needed to be washed- it was below freezing and had been for 8 hours or more. So we did not feel that it was a good idea to even try to do the laundry. Last night the temps got to the teens with the wind chill near 0. Our cold water at our kitchen sink froze up and it still frozen at this point. And our washer and dryer are like 10 feet or less away from the kitchen sink- so the likelihood that the washer lines are frozen are pretty high. So I have several loads of laundry that will have to wait till tomorrow afternoon - after the temps get above freezing. And hope that the pipes do not bust.

It is hard for me to have laundry pile up- I like to keep the laundry done up - I am not the type of person to do laundry every single day. I like to do a load of laundry when we have enough clothes to do a load- so I probably do a load every other day or a little less. I have always liked to do that. It is easier to pair up sock and such when there are less sock to have to match up. I have known people who wait till one day during the week end to do their laundry - and it just seems to make it such a big job. And if you don't have a washer and dryer I can totally understand the waiting till once a week. But I have just found that it works so much easier for me to do laundry more often. And it does not seem to be such an overwhelming task that way.

Anyway - so today is a cold day and I will be staying inside as much as possible. Tonight is the beginning of a Health Seminar at our church- I am going to e-mail and see if they are still going to start it tonight. So if they do I might have to get out- I would like to make it to as many of the programs as possible. And next Monday might be a rough day for me - since it is the Monday after Chemo.

I hope you all are staying warm. :o)

Edited to add:
Praise the Lord - we did get above freezing and both things have thawed out. And I am being able to get my laundry done today after all! Yay! Happy about that! :O)

Our Week-end

Just in case you were wondering what the weather was like in Texas - this week end! LOL - it's true - We don't have that much snow/sleet on the ground but it sure is cold out there.

 

What I found in the Dumpster...

Just wanted to check in for a bit and tell ya'll a cute little story of what I did on Friday.

The youth group from our church were going camping this week-end and my husband is the co-director of it - so I went with him this week-end. Well we went Thursday but ended up having a part of the toilet blow out and flooded the hallway of the rv - so I came home on Thursday to wash up the towels and such and then my husband fixed the problems and I went back out. Well on Friday I had a bag of trash to take to the dumpster. When I opened the lid and looked inside - the dumpster was mostly empty. There in the opposite corner was a raccoon, curled up asleep. I called my husband over and told him. He said to open the dumpster - maybe he could get out. He got up and he tried and tried, but could not get out. I felt sorry for the little guy. So I went to look for a long branch to put in the trashcan to help him get out. The creek bed behind out spot was dry so I went walking along it and found a good sized branch and took it to the dumpster. By the time I got back the raccoon was curled up back in the corner- he had given up. We stuck the branch into the dumpster and stood on the opposite side- the raccoon slowly made his way up the branch and jumped down on the other side- and then ran to the dry creek bed. Poor thing- who knows how long he had been stuck in there. You could tell he was weak and wore down. I was so thankful that I went to the trashcan when I did and that I looked inside and that I was able to help him get out.

I am home tonight - there is a good chance that some rough weather is going to roll in in the early am - there is even a chance of like sleet and ice- our temps at midnight will be the high and it will go down from there - and it could be below freezing by 3pm - depending on how quickly the system comes in. I just would not be able to get out in the cold, rainy, nasty weather - so it was better for me to come home. I am tired tonight and hoping to sleep better tonight than I did last night.

It was a beautiful day yesterday and today. A real blessing from God. I love to be out in nature - it was refreshing to my soul. I am glad I was able to go- even just for one night.

My animals were very happy to see me when I got home. I was happy to see them too.

Well I better close - just wanted to share my story with you all. Hope you all are having a good week end! :O)