4 years ago today....

I remember it like it was yesterday. And yet it was 4 years ago. It was a Thursday. I was on my way to get groceries. My hair felt so bouncy and healthy. I began to think that I was one of the lucky ones. You know the ones that don't lose their hair due to chemo. But sadly the very next day... Like clockwork I notices I was losing quite a bit of hair while taking my shower.  I say clockwork because I was told that with the chemo drugs I was taking that 14 days after your first chemo is when you lose generally lose your hair.

Our son had his daughter that weekend so I did my best to be as gentle with my hair as possible. I knew it would be hard for her and so we waited till she was headed back to be with her mom on Sunday afternoon- exactly 4 years ago today- to shave my head.

I remember sitting on the toilet lid-while my husband shaved my head- I was praying. I ask God to help me like what I saw in the mirror. I'm not gonna say it was easy- but it wasn't as traumatic as it would have been had I not ask God to help me. He gave me strength and courage. And I am ever so grateful for that. Throughout that journey as I would begin to struggle with seeing myself without hair I would pray again and He was faithful.

Today on the 4th anniversary of that fateful day I am so very grateful that I have hair. It will never be something that I take for granted. Had I not experience hair loser- I may have taken the special blessing of having hair for granted.

We need to exam our lives and see what things in our lives we take for granted. There are many blessing that we don't even acknowledge. Today I am taking time to acknowledge not only the blessing of having hair but praising God for all the blessings!

Also, I don't know if I'm trying to get sick, if this anniversary is really affecting me, or what? But for the past week I have felt run down. And I'm feeling a bit concerned. I'd sure appreciate some extra prayers. Thanks so much. :)

4 Months Post Chemo

So if my figures are right - Friday marked 4 months post chemo. I figured you might be wondering how my hair was growing. I know the photo is fuzzy - sorry about that. But at least you can see how my hair is doing. It is only about 1 3/4 - maybe close to 2 inches by now. The color seems to be the exact color it was before -dark brown with red highlights. And I still have my cowlicks. One at the front right side and at the back of my head at the top. Not quite sure why - but my hair is doing little flares above the ears. I guess to add a little flare to my hair!

Coming up this week:
Oat Groats - it's what's for breakfast
To Change Us
Stagnant

Be sure to check back to read them and more.... :O)

I made it through treatment #5

Thank you all for your prayers. Today I really needed them. I got through the first round of chemo the Taxol - and did fine. They started the Carbo- and about 5 minutes in - my heart started racing a bit - I felt flush, my face turned red and the area around the port got cold. The nurse I had who by the way was excellent said ok lets slow it down and see if that helps. And sure enough things called down and I was able to finish the bag out. I will just make sure I tell the Dr for next time- Which by the way is my LAST chemo treatment!!!! I can NOT wait. Can I make it through the next 6 weeks? I sure hope so. I have made it through the last 12 weeks - some days not so fun - but I have made it.

I have been going to chemo for 12 weeks now and it is so funny but I have never noticed this wall. But today I did - and I knew I had to get a photo of it. SO much truth in these three phrases. Oh and by the way - it says it is a quote by Albert Einstein.

I am feeling a bit more nauseous then I usually do this - the day of chemo. And when I got home. I am thinking that I will take some of my break through meds before bed and hope to keep things under control. Also had some applesauce and crackers- it seems to help to have something on my tummy. But that gets old cause not a lot of stuff sounds good. But hey - we can see the finishing line from here and I am not about to give up.

 

Hoping you all are doing well. Have a great week end. I have two posts scheduled for tomorrow - I hope you enjoy them both. See you soon. Love to you and a BIG THANK YOU for the prayers. :O)

It's PCS- not PMS...

It seems ever since I such a rough time after chemo- that the week before my next chemo - I become more emotional and a little more crabby as well. So this week-end it was raring its ugly head again and I said to my husband what is causing this - and he said well it seems like each time that you are coming up on the next chemo - you get a bit more emotional and all. Well yeah - I see it too. I am not surprised cause it's like - ok when you feel crappy and it just continues for like 5+ days or so - you really try to avoid getting that sickness again. And with chemo - you know what to expect and you know how you will be feeling and it is hard not to be a little apprehensive about its approach. I am so thankful that this coming Friday will be chemo #5. I am glad that I have 4 of them behind me- but sure wish that this was my last treatment.

Another thing that may cause my PCS - is that on Sabbaths when I go to church - I wear my wig. I actually don't wear it very often other than to church- I guess I am still uncomfortable wearing it - I just feel like people can see right through it - that they can tell I am wearing a wig. So when I get home from church - I take the wig off- and I guess maybe the seeing myself with hair for part of the day - kind of reminds me of when I had hair. So I feel that could also cause me to be emotional.

It's been a little over two months since I have lost my hair - and to be perfectly honest with you guys - I don't think I am every going to be comfortable with losing my hair.
It's funny how there are times even now that I will put a shirt on and I will reach my hand back there - to pull my hair from under my shirt- then I realize I have no hair.

There are also times that I come out of the shower and I put my towel up and then I catch myself reaching for the brush to brush my hair.

After our granddaughter left one day - her brush was sitting near me and I reached for it and was about to brush my hair.. then stopped.

There are times that I don't have a hat on while I am going around in my house and I catch myself to almost go outside to do something - without it and then am SO thankful that I remembered.

 I honestly feel that it would have been SO much easier to go through this whole thing - had I not lost my hair.
Good news is that so far - I still have half of my eye brows left- and a good amount of my eye lashes left- I started out with a lot of both of those- thankfully so it is not too awfully bad to have lost what I have of the eye brows. I can notice that I have lost a decent amount of the hair on my arms. I am so hoping I can hold onto the hair I have left through the rest of this. But I am not holding my breath.

Oh and I will be sharing some great photos of one of the places that we went for our date. I think you all will enjoy them. I am hoping to be able to work on that on Monday. Our son has his daughter this week end so we have been busy.

A Little Black Cloud

I don't have a lot of time but wanted to check in to say that I am doing alright. Tuesday was a beautiful day here in Texas! Our temps were up in the 80's! I was able to sit outside as my granddaughter played in the sand box. A friend stopped by and we visited for an hour or so- and it was such a nice distraction to have a friend to visit with and get my mind off of the shooting pains and the queasy stomach.

Today it was chilly - we had a cold front blow in - literally over light. It was windy. Our high today was only in the 58 or so.
Today I called my oncologist's nurse to find out what my CA125 number was. This is a test that they do every Friday before chemo- anyway the number has gradually gone down since the first one. Not big drops or anything but a slow steady decline to the number. So today when the nurse told me my number and it had not gone down - but up, really discouraged me. It only went up 1/2 of a number- but still. I am in the middle of chemo- it should be coming down. Anyway it just totally through me for a loop. I mean seriously I am going through pain and discomfort and then to think that it is not even moving the number down like I wanted. I had really wanted to have the number close to zero at the end. And maybe it was my expectations that really got me discouraged today. Anyway it felt like a little black cloud was over me. And I was thinking oh man - just think once the chemo and all is finished then I, then too, will be having to have this same test done and worried about having a recurrence. And there is not much that I can do-worrying does not do me any good at all. And it all reminds me that I have to keep my trust in God. For taking care of me through this part of the journey - the chemo part. And continuing afterwards. God is in control.

I shared on Facebook about being discouraged and I am so thankful for so many godly friends who lift me up in prayer- because I really needed prayers. I got the news just before my husband got back to the house with our sweet grandbaby and I had really felt like I needed to cry- and I am thinking maybe had I had a chance to just grieve -what to me was bad new- then I might have been able to move forward but just had to hold it together and it made that feeling just stick around.

Anyway it has been a busy week with having the granddaughter every day but thankful that God has given me the strength and ability to enjoy the visit. She has been very good and we have sure enjoyed having her around. We will miss her next week.

Ok - I better get to bed- I am tired and I have had a hard time getting to bed at a decent time this week. Plus not getting as much rest as I usually try to get the week after chemo - I have not been sleeping as well- night sweats - waking me up along with the shooting pains. Anyway I hope you all are doing well. May God bless each and every one of you. :o)

Not a Walk In the Park...

I have been reading some cancer boards on the Internet to get helpful information and I have seen the phrase- "Not a walk in the park" several times and thought that it was very applicable to this situation. It is tough.

Anyway I just wanted to check in and say that this Chemo Monday was not as bad as last Chemo Monday- And I am SO very thankful. I have been achy and sore and felt sharp pains hitting here and there throughout my body. And I have had problems with a queasy stomach - even though I have anti- nausea meds to take- it's just part of this journey, an unpleasant part. But I am thankful to say that at least it was not as bad as that last one. I have drank a whole lot of water and tried to eat things that would be soothing to my tummy.

I am awfully tired and thinking I will be going to bed soon. Hope you all are doing good. Good night :O)

I'm Alive.. and Kicking

Sorry it has taken me so long to update. Mostly I have spent today on the couch watching recorded Price is Right shows. I think the reason I do this is because it does not take a whole lot of brain power to stay up with a story line- and I am also able to use my brain a bit to guess prices or what ever so it is entertaining to me as well.

Today has been a better day than yesterday was for sure. Yesterday - my husband ended up having some time off and so I thought that I would be able to handle a trip to Walmart to pick up some stuff that had been sitting on the list for a few days- well that ended up being a huge mistake for me. I was so hot while I was there - and did what I could to get the stuff we needed and left as soon as I could. When we got home - I took a hot bath and got my night gown on, even though it was like 1:30pm. And I crawled in bed and rested and slept - spent about 2 hours total in bed but only slept about half of that. When I got up I actually felt about as crappy if not worse then I did before I laid down. So I just sat in our recliner and rested/watched tv most of the afternoon. I took another hot bath before bed and went to bed at about 9pm. I slept better last night - of course I took a pain pill and a Tylenol pm before going to bed. I am having to drink a lot of water trying flush the chemo out of the system - and so that ends up meaning several different trips to the bathroom throughout the night. But the good news is that once I got back into bed - it did not take me hours to get back to sleep like it did the nights that I had the steroids. So I got a decent amount of sleep.

Today I have been able to get a few little jobs around here done- vacuumed emptied the dishwasher, and filled it up - having it going now and gathered the trash- trash day is tomorrow so I wanted the trash gathered so my husband could take it down when he got home. I also made Crockpot Peppersteak for supper- that is something that is fairly easy and so I did not have to be up working a lot in the kitchen.

Today I have dealt with the aches and pains that always come after chemo- and then the queasiness- it is like I have to eat smaller amounts of stuff off and on all day long -cause I get to where I feel like if I don't eat - I will be sick. So I have to either eat or drink something - but hardly anything sounds good to me. It is a pain- but I just don't want to deal with that sick feeling - it is NO fun. So I have to eat a banana or crackers or yogurt ever so often to keep it at bay. It is almost 8pm now and I am thinking I will take another hot bath - and then get myself ready for bed. Will probably have to take my pain pills before bed cause I am hurting. I have only taken a Tylenol during the day- trying to just use the pain pills when really needed.

Since today was a bit better than yesterday- I am hoping that tomorrow will be better than today. I did learn an important lesson yesterday - and that is that the Monday after Chemo- is a day at home for sure. It is a rough day for sure. Oh and here is some bad news- my granbaby's spring break starts the Monday after my next chemo- how is that for awful timing. We will be helping our son with her- I would sure like it to work out that it is a different week so that we can take her to the zoo and aquarium and fun stuff like that - instead of Grammie being sick and spending too much time on the couch/recliner. Anyway I am praying about that. There is nothing I can do about it. I really don't want her to see me feeling so crappy. It is no fun at all.

Anyway I wanted to thank you all for your prayers and your comments of encouragement. I really do appreciate them - even if I am not able to respond to each and every one of them. They do mean a lot to me and I continue to pray for each of you. I know that you all are going through tough situations as well and I know that God will continue to give each of us the strength and courage to get through each trial that comes our way. So thankful for a faithful Father. God bless :O)

I am Home- and Glad I am

Sorry I am posting later than I had planned on. We took my son's ipad with us but my husband wanted to watch a movie- so I let him use the ipad. Anyway today went good. I actually got some good news. I had been telling the Dr and her nurse about the Emergen C stuff that I have been taking and the Dr asked when I started taking it and I told her. She said that my blood count was really good- the blood work that shows that I my immune system is working well. She said she wishes she could share some of my good blood work with some of her other patients who are not doing so well. I told her that it could be due to the Airborne stuff that I had been taking. Another thing that I thought of later was that I am having a good amount of blueberry/banana smoothies for breakfast. And I am guessing that that might be really helping my blood work as well. Then there is the Alive Vit. that I have been taking - not every day cause I forget sometimes. And then there is, of course, the prayers - ALL the prayers of so many prayer warriors praying for me. And praying that damage is not done to my healthy cells. That is the problem with chemo- is that they are meant to go and destroy fast moving cells- the grade 3 cancer cells but they end up killing healthy cells along that way - just something that you have to live with in order to get rid of that nasty cancer. I continue to pray that God will protect my healthy cells. And to give me wisdom of what to do to help me get through this as healthy as possible.

Last night was a rough night. I had taken my steroid but had forgotten to take my evening primrose and my black kohash - which are my menopause pills. I really think that they make a difference in me being able to sleep. So by the time that I realized I had forgotten them - it was about 11pm. I got up and took them. And the good thing was that a friend had sent me a message letting me know that her family needed prayers. When I realized that - I knew that me forgetting my pills was not an accident - I needed to be up to get this message and to pray. Anyway I finally got to sleep and finally got some decent sleep. Not enough though - I can sure tell.

We are home now from chemo - I am very thankful to be home. I am very tired. I am going to go take my pills when I get this finished so that I can have a chance to sleep a little better tonight.

****One more thing that I would like to share - just in case someone else has a problem with neuropathy - I have read and then asked my Dr about it today and she said yes - that it would be a good idea for me to try it since I am having some problems with the tingly and numbness and pain in my feet and calves- some in my hands too- mostly the 2 week of my chemo cycle. So here is what is good to take - L Glutamine and B complex - she said a B6 would work too. So keep this in mind if you or someone you know has a problem with neuropathy.

I hope you all have had a wonderful Valentine's Day!!

Something floating around Facebook.