Sunday morning when I went out to let the chickens out of their coop- I realized that it was beautiful outside and that since we would later be going to my MIL's house for lunch(and also that the high would be in the mid 90's) that now was the best time to get out and get some work done in my yard. So I just put on my clothes from the day before and got to work. I did all the weed eating my two batteries would let me do. Then I started working on an eye sore of an area of our yard. This was where we had our wood pile before we moved it to a much better place. There were all sorts of logs - some being too big(which is why they had not been moved yet. And then a lot of little pieces of wood and branches. With a whole lot of weeds grown up around it all. There was also a Large piece of the roof laying in that area - along with a few smaller ones on top of it. This was from when my husband built a roof over our porch and enclosed it. This had been an area of my yard that I wanted to get cleaned up for a long time but did not think I could do it by myself. So I had just tried to ignore it. Well not today. Today I decided that I would get it cleaned up. So I got to work. Moved a whole lot of wood out to the wood pile and I even moved that big piece of roofing. Let me tell you what - it was HEAVY. I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to get it moved. And I did it!! When I was getting to the end of cleaning up this area - I realized something very important. I am really changing. Oh I have known for a long time - hence the title to my blog. But this time I realized that in times before - when my Mother was unhappy with me - that I would put so much focus on to why she did not love me? Why it was so easy for her to turn her back on me? Why I wasn't of very much value? You get the point. Anyway this time it is different- this time I am putting my focus into things that I need to do and I am not allowing the thought that I can't do it, stop me. I think before my thinking would have been my Mom does not have much faith in me and that I can not do much - and I would let it paralyze me. But this time, I am learning that I get my value from God(as does everyone) and that I just need to let go of those feelings of being inferior and I just need to take the next step. And the next step just happened to be - to clean up my yard. And you know what? This time I have something to enjoy and appreciate. I look forward to when I will have much more of the projects that I really need to get done and I can put my focus into making the yard a more beautiful and enjoyable space - I know- I am working on the first steps to that by cleaning up the debris and all but I have a vision that one day - this yard will be an inviting, enjoyable space.


And for any of you out there that have people in your life that try to hold you down - don't let them. Put your focus on Jesus. Remember how much he loves you - that he died on the cross for YOU and that He has enough faith in you - for You do to ANYTHING that HE wants you to do. :o)