A New Normal

Several thoughts to share today. First of all - now I realize that make up used to be a luxury for me - but now it is really a necessity. You wouldn't believe- well maybe you would- how much different your face looks with just half the eye lashes and half the eye brows and then especially without hair. It makes a big difference. And I am at the point in all of this that if I don't have make up on - I look sickly.

Today, even though I am not going any where- I put on make up. Just because it is easier to look at myself with make up on. Oh and have I mentioned that it takes me about twice as long to put the make up on now. Because I have to use more eye liner, eye shadow, and eye brow pencil. It takes a lot more just to look decent. And still I struggle with putting it on so it will look nice. My eye brows are very challenging - about every day. I want them to look alike - an that is hard to achieve - for me anyway.

Another thing I have noticed is that my brain is still a little off. I have been studying the Bible and really doing studies and such on different topics and all. And I continue to find so much encouragement in the Bible - but when I think about how to put my thoughts together to encourage you all- I draw a blank in my mind. And so I have just been studying and praying that God will guide and direct me. And try to do what I can to continue to recoup.

I have wanted to badly to be back to normal- but I have realized that I am still in recovery. What my body has been through the last 8 months - has been an awful lot. I have probably been poked and prodded more in the last 8 months than I have been through in the last 18 years. And that's the truth. And I can not expect it to just spring back to normal - just because chemo is over. So I am giving myself permission to rest and to realize that in due time I will be back to normal- even if it is a new normal. And that is ok. God is in charge!