And I Thought I Was Fat...

As I looked at the photos of me from 20-25 years ago I noticed that not only was I younger but much thinner than I am now. And a sad thing occurred to me - that even though I looked so nice- at that time I thought I was fat. And why was that? Well it was because I was comparing myself with other people. And that wasn't fair. I wasn't created to be someone else, only to be myself.

Now as I look back at the photos, I like what I see. And I wonder why I couldn't be happy with myself then.?

 

Now I am carrying around the 15 extra pounds that chemo and steroids put on me, plus about 5 more pounds that I have gained since then. And I know that I need to lose this 20 pounds or so. I am much more comfortable when I am 20 pounds less. I would still be over weight by the world's standards. Still over my "ideal" weight that the world sets not realizing that we are all different and therefore shouldn't all be expected to all weigh the same.

 

It is really sad what comparing ourselves with others does to ourselves. I have spent way too much of my life unhappy with myself because I did not fit the criteria that this world has set.

 

I should have loved myself and accepted myself just as I was. And I should have forgotten about the box that the world wanted to put me in. I now look at those photos of me and I just can't believe that I could not accept myself.

 

I think that I need to learn to accept myself - just the way I am. I have probably written about this before- and I hope that maybe each time I write about this that a layer of the onion is being peeled away and that I will be able to work towards having a more healthy attitude about myself in this area as well as many others.

 

I am still going to continue to make the good choices in order to lose weight. I am still going to put exercising as a priority and eating healthier. It's all about those good choices that we make. Although I have not lost any weight as of yet - I will not give up. I will stop allowing the world's criteria of what is acceptable influence me whether I like myself or not. This is a journey ~ I have not arrived- but I am headed in the right direction.

 

*****For any of you that struggle with weight lose stay tuned because I have a very important test that you can take that might just help you lose weight- once you make some adjustments to your bodies chemistry that is.