Not Again...

It seems I have been learning and relearning a lot of lessons lately.

This past weekend when I was writing the post about true beauty something happened that made me feel less than. There it was again, that self-conscience feeling again. "Oh man," I thought. "I had really thought I had gotten past those ugly feelings." Then I realized that because I had been writing about growth- about coming to a place in my life where I was realizing that God created me and I needed to come to a place of acceptance, that I was under attack again.

Here they were again- those thoughts of not being good enough. Then I remembered that this was not the first time that this had happened to me. Nope. And it won't be the last either. Anyway it just seems to happen this way to me. How about it you?

I come to a place of thinking that I've made an improvement in an area of my life and I decide to write a blog post about it in order to encourage others along this journey called life. And guess what happens? The adversary rears his ugly head and, I, too often fall for his trickery.....again.

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary
the devil walks around like a roaring lion,
seeking whom he may devour."
1 Peter 5:8

This time I was quicker to catch on and thank goodness, move on with confidence from my Heavenly Father. The adversary may try to knock me down,but God's on my side. I just need to keep my focus on Him. And allow Him to fight those battles for me.

"The LORD will fight for you and you shall hold your peace."
Exodus 14:14
 

True Beauty

There is another lesson I have learned over the last few months. And that is a person's hair - whether it be your eye brows, eye lashes, or your hair-  really make up ALOT of what you look like. And when you lose them there is a big difference.

A lot of people spend big bucks on having their hair done or their eye brows done. But those things are only superficial.

That kind of beauty is only skin deep, but that is not true beauty. True beauty begins on the inside and radiates outward. Have you ever meant anyone like this? I have and they have blessed my life tremendously!

True beauty takes you from being self conscience to being humble, realizing that God- the creator of the universe  created you. And being OK with yourself even though there may be aspects of yourself that you have not been happy with.


Humility that takes the focus off of self and puts it onto God- knowing that he created you for a purpose. And the sooner that you accept the person He created you to be, the sooner you can put your focus from self to fulfilling your purpose.

"For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully
And wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well."
Psalm139:13-14

True Happiness

"If you want to be happy, you have to be happy on purpose.

 When you wake up, you can't just wait to see what kind of day you'll have.

You have to decide what kind of day you'll have."

 Joel Osteen

Although I do believe that we need to make a choice and decide to be happy, there is so much more to true happiness than just making a choice.

During chemo I learned what the true source of happiness is. It was the week after chemo and to be perfectly honest with you, during those weeks my brain did not seem to function quite as well.
 Maybe I was very distracted with my tummy being so sick. Anyway during this week normally my quiet time consisted of reading my devotional in my "Streams in the Dessert" book and prayer.

Well one day, several days after chemo I opened a book about prayer(the ABC's of Prayer) and read the chapter that I was on. It ended up being one of the best things that I did!  In this chapter it spoke of praying for healing- and had a list of verses. So I began to look up each verse. And by opening my Bible and looking for treasure, I began to feel joy and happiness. And to be honest it had been a while since I had felt those feelings at such a great level. I felt joyful and it felt good.

So while I agree that we need to choose to be happy, I believe that true happiness comes only from God. And only when we spend time developing our relationship with Him are we able to receive the good and perfect gifts of joy, happiness, and peace.

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is a gift from above,
and comes from down from the a Father oh lights,
with whom there is no variation of shadow of turning."
James 1:17

 

Blessed Assurance

Blessed Assurance

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

Chorus:
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight.
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Saviour am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.
--Fanny J. Crosby.

Just checking in..

So this week I decided that I need to start working towards having more energy. So on Tuesday I had to run to the bank, on my way home - I stopped at the park and walked. I made myself walk 3 small rounds - equaling 1 mile. I was tired when I was done, but decided to run across the street and vacuum out my car. Later I worked on weed eating some in our back yard.

Today I decided that I would get our yard mowed. I first weed eated around things in the front yard so it would look nice once I was done mowing. Then I tackled mowing. I was doing just fine till I got the lawn mower tangled up with the trampoline... lol. I usually mow everything around the trampoline and then I use the mower to push the trampoline out of the way. Well this time I did not do it quite right and ended up having one tire over the bar of the trampoline. Well thankfully my son was off work and in no time he was here to help me get them untangled. Once that was taken care of - I was able to finish the yard. It was so nice to sit on my back porch and admire our yard. I also got the garden watered and several other jobs around the house. I had wanted to work on cleaning the back porch and that area  -but did not get to that today. That will be on my list for later- maybe tomorrow.
Tomorrows list has - clean the RV and steam clean the carpets in it. I have wanted to do that for a LONG time and just have not gotten to it. It really is a good idea to make up a list of what you want to accomplish. There are days that I have felt like maybe I did not do much - but once I look at my list and mark things off - I am happy to see that I got done much more than I thought I had. Lately my lists have had items that have just been moved from day to day - hoping that I would get around to doing the job. That is how cleaning the carpets in the RV has been. And I know that it will feel good when I finally get that job done and taken care of.

I am tired tonight- don't think I will have any problems going to bed tonight. I have really pushed myself the last two days. But it feels good. I want to be in better shape and I want to have more energy.

Oh just a little funny - So I am talking to my husband about being a little sore- and he said, "Yeah - cause you pushed it too much." I said, "I need to get in better shape." His reply~ "Round is a shape." LOL - He is so funny. I did not take offense to it at all cause he has referred to himself with that same idea. I thought it was funny. But truth is _ I do want to increase my energy level and I want to be in better physical shape.

Oh - one more cool thing. Today my husband went to see our primary care Dr. I had made copies of my blood work to send with him for her- because even though I know that the Dr's are suppose to be working together - they are not. And I knew that it would be helpful for her to know what was going on. So when my husband gave her the blood work - she looked at it and was very surprised that the levels were as good as they were. She even asked if I had any problems causing my chemo's to be put off- and he told her no. She was very happy to hear that. I really have been lucky. It is not uncommon at all for chemo patients to have to post pone a treatment or two do to their blood levels being too low. I am thankful that I am done - cause like I have said before - more of my levels were getting low or high and I don't know if I could have handled another one without having it post poned.

Poetry Corner

Marah and Elim

 

Today 'tis Elim with its palms and wells,
And happy shade for desert weariness;
'Twas Marah yesterday, all rock and sand,
Unshaded solitude and dreariness.
Yet the same desert holds them both, the same
Hot breezes wander o'er the lonely ground;
The same low stretch of valley shelters both,
And the same mountains compass them around.

So it is here with us on earth, and so
I do remember it has ever been;
The bitter and the sweet, the grief and joy,
Lie near together, but a day between.

Sometimes God turns our bitter into sweet,
Sometimes He gives us pleasant watersprings;
Sometimes He shades us with His pillar cloud,
And sometimes to a blessed palm shade brings.

What matters it? The time will not be long;
Marah and Elim will alike be passed;
Our desert wells and palms will soon be done,
We reach the "City of our God" at last.
O happy land! beyond these lonely hills,
Where gush in joy the everlasting springs;
O holy Paradise! above these heavens,
Where we shall end our desert wanderings.
--Horatius Bonar.

He Knoweth the way that I take...

Good Morning! I hope you all are doing well. I am doing pretty good. Still have some stomach problems and such but I am SO thankful that God has been with me every step of the way and has given me strength to get through all of this. So I am focusing on God and His blessings!
Today I was so encouraged by reading my "Ministries of Healing" book.

"Morning, noon, and night, let gratitude as a sweet perfume ascend to heaven." MH 253
The whole chapter was so encouraging and when I was done - I felt so much more joy. I will be sharing a poem tomorrow that was shared in this chapter. And then some song lyrics on Thursday.

I am so thankful that God brings me just the right things to read to help encourage my soul.

IF you would like to read the chapter that I read today - click here.

Below - was my "Streams in the Desert" devotional. It was well worth the read and encouraging so I thought I would share it as well. I hope it blesses you as well. :O)

 *******************************************************************************

He knoweth the way that I take (Job 23:10).

 

Believer! What a glorious assurance! This way of thine--this, it may be, a crooked, mysterious, tangled way--this way of trial and tears. "He knoweth it." The furnace seven times heated--He lighted it. There is an Almighty Guide knowing and directing our footsteps, whether it be to the bitter Marah pool, or to the joy and refreshment of Elim.

 

That way, dark to the Egyptians, has its pillar of cloud and fire for His own Israel. The furnace is hot; but not only can we trust the hand that kindles it, but we have the assurance that the fires are lighted not to consume, but to refine; and that when the refining process is completed (no sooner--no later) He brings His people forth as gold. 

When they think Him least near, He is often nearest. "When my spirit was overwhelmed, then thou knewest my path." Do we know of ONE brighter than the brightest radiance of the visible sun, visiting our chamber with the first waking beam of the morning; an eye of infinite tenderness and compassion following us throughout the day, knowing the way that we take?

 

The world, in its cold vocabulary in the hour of adversity, speaks of "Providence"--"the will of Providence"--"the strokes of Providence." PROVIDENCE! what is that? Why dethrone a living, directing God from the sovereignty of His own earth? Why substitute an inanimate, death-like abstraction, in place of an acting, controlling, personal Jehovah?

 

How it would take the sting from many a goading trial, to see what Job saw (in his hour of aggravated woe, when every earthly hope lay prostrate at his feet)--no hand but the Divine. He saw that hand behind the gleaming swords of the Sabeans--he saw it behind the lightning flash--he saw it giving wings to the careening tempest--he saw it in the awful silence of his rifled home.

 

"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord!" Thus seeing God in everything, his faith reached its climax when this once powerful prince of the desert, seated on his bed of ashes, could say, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him."
--Macduff

Which is Worse?

Just checking in for a few minutes to let you know how I am doing. Well you know how I said I started taking the break through nausea med that I have- well - apparently it has some side affects that are not pleasant. Today - it has hit - it has made my hands and feet - mostly my hands though- weak and shaky. It makes it hard to text, play words with friends and even type. And even when I am not using my hands - it really bothers my hands and makes them uncomfortable. I have taken a hot bath hoping that would calm the nerves down - it did a bit but I am still feeling it quite a bit. Anyway so I don't know if I will continue to take the med or not. I am going to see how I do without it. And if I have to take 1/2 of a pill ever so often. I do not like to feel like this at all. SO glad that this is the last round of this stuff. I just have to make it through this week- well the next 3 weeks. Continuing to pray that God will protect my body from the bad effects of chemo.

I will check in later. Hope you all are doing well. God bless. :o)

It's Over - Yeah!

Just wanted to check in and let you all know that I made it through my last chemo without any reactions. We were there till 5pm and traffic was horrible so it took us longer than normal to get home but was so glad it was over.

Today I started getting nauseous halfway in the middle of the first chemo- the 3 hour one. So about 4pm - after they had started the Carbo and I was doing alright - I took my first Zofran. I have never had to take one that early before. Remember they give me meds for nausea before they start my chemo.

I also got a copy of my blood work. And a lot of my numbers were low or high. And as I looked at the numbers - I thought how thankful I was that I would not be having to have any more. I don't know if I could have made it through any more.

Now it is time to focus on recovery from this. Well I need to get through this week first but then I will focus on recovery in a more concentrated way.

I am tired- I had to take the breakthrough med already. And will have to take the Zofran again at midnight - might have to set the alarm just to make sure I take it in time. Don't want to let the nausea get out of control.

Thank you so very much for the prayers and encouragement! God bless you - each and every one of you :O)

Nothing is too Small

"Keep your wants, your joys, your sorrows, your cares, and your fears before God.

 You cannot burden him; you cannot weary him. He who numbers the hairs of your head is not indifferent to the wants of His children. “The Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.” James 5:11. His heart of love is touched by our sorrows and even by our utterances of them.

 Take to him everything that perplexes the mind. Nothing is too great for him to bear, for He holds up worlds, He rules over all the affairs of the universe. Nothing that in any way concerns our peace is too small for him to notice."

-Steps to Christ 100

 

I wanted to drop in this morning to share this wonderful quote. It is one of my favorite quotes from the book - Steps to Christ. And it was a real blessing that someone had shared it on Facebook this morning and reminded me of it. A special blessing indeed.

 

I also wanted to let you all know that I really appreciate all of your encouraging comments and that I am sorry that I have not been keeping up with responding to each comment like I would like to. I am so hoping that I will be feeling so much better and much more able to keep up with them and do better very soon. But I wanted to at least write a post to let you all know that I have really appreciated each and everyone of you.

 

My husband still does not feel good today so my son will be going with me to chemo today.

 

I will check in later and let you all know how things went. :o)

 

The Bridge to God's Rest

This was something floating around Facebook. And I just had to share it with you all. I have been nervous about chemo tomorrow. There are several reasons- first - as I shared earlier my husband has been sick and I really would like him to go with me tomorrow. I still don't know if he will be able to go or not. Another reason I have been nervous is because my hair dresser told me about what happened to another client of hers - also going through chemo. And let me tell you - it was a scary experience. And then with me having a reaction last time- it just scares me a bit more, because with Carbo - you have more and more of a chance of a reaction the more times you get it. I am sure hoping that by slowing the rate at which it is pumped in - will help me not to have a reaction.

 

Anyway so you can see that I needed to be reminded of the bridge that leads to God's rest. And that is prayer. So I am fixing to get to bed and I plan on spending a good amount of time in prayer  - not only for myself but for all of you and all of my family and anyone I know that needs special prayer. :o )  

Another Prayer Request

Yesterday my husband came home from work not feeling good. He still does not feel good today. He is at work and has to work a double shift so he can be off tomorrow. Well if he does not get to feeling better- he will not be able to take me to chemo. So my prayer request is that he feels better and is able to take me.

Last time I had a reaction to the Carbo and I would really like it if he was there just in case there is another reaction. Anyway - I just wanted to drop by here and ask for prayers - and also that I do not get what ever he has. Thanks so very much.

I am doing good. I am so happy that in 24 hours I will be having my final chemo treatment. God has been there every step of the way. I am so very grateful that He has given me the strength and courage to make it through this "adventure."

At the beginning of this "adventure" I almost got rid of my chickens and my little finches- Bert and Ernie. I am so very thankful that I did not do that. They have helped added so much to my live over the last several months. And they have helped me to continue to do things - like take care of them every morning- even when I did not feel like it and I am glad that I had the responsibility to keep me moving.

Today my plan is to work on cleaning the house and getting things done so that I will not have much left to do tomorrow. So I better get off of here and get busy. Thanks so much for the prayers. :O)

Thanks for the Prayers

Today I went to my Dr appointment. I was nervous on the way there. I spent some of the time praying and asking God to give me the strength needed.

I did not have to have blood drawn today - that will be on Friday before chemo - like usual. I was happy about that. I was happy to be able to get a paper showing me my basic lab reports. I can not wait till chemo is behind me and hopefully my blood levels get back to normal.

I was able to ask my Dr several questions that I had. And we discussed what would come next in treatment. This is what I had been asking for prayers. I had felt like radiation would not be the best thing for me - at least at this time. I am so glad that I had done my research and that I had taken the time to talk to my Dr. I was also happy to hear her say that this was my treatment - and that I had a say in what we did- or did not do. I explained to her that before the pet/ct scans that I had been fearful that the cancer had spread. But that I had come to the conclusion that God was more than able to contain the cancer in my uterus if He so chose. And that when the results came back clear- I had been thrilled. There was no cancer in my cervix or my ovary/fallopian tube. And if there were cancer cells in my body- that I had confidence that the chemo had taken care of them.

So now - I will do my last chemo on Friday. YAY!!!! So glad that this will be behind me. Then I will be having another ct scan in order to get a base line.

Anyway so that is where we are now. Thank you so much for the prayers. I really appreciate them! :O)

Prayers Needed

Today I got a phone call from my oncologist's nurse- telling me that my Dr will be doing a surgery on Friday and asking if I could go in tomorrow(Wed) for my Dr apt. I will still be having Chemo on Friday - but going in tomorrow to see the Dr. Happy that Friday will be my last chemo- #6 out of 6. Yeah! I am so thrilled. I have been having some PCS(pre- chemo syndrome) this week though. Even though it is the last one- I will still have to have poison pumped through my body- still deal with the week after chemo that is challenging for sure. And I am so hoping that I will be able to hold the nausea at bay - I have not been able to for the last 4 chemo's - they have gotten progressively worse. But I am hoping that with my break through med - that I gave in last time and took - that I will be able to control it better.

I am sure that since Friday will be my last chemo, that my Dr will be wanting to discuss what will be the next step in this journey. I know what she said at the beginning, but I am hoping that she will keep everything in mind - the pet/ct scan that I have had since our first visit. And how well I have done through chemo. I am praying that God will give her wisdom to know what he best course of action for ME will be. Not just what she wants to do because that is the way they do it- but I want her to look at me as an individual and make the decision. I have been praying about what is the best course of action and I have been leaning towards one direction. I pray that God will lay it on my Dr's  heart as well. And if nothing else that she will be open to hearing what I have to say and my opinions.
I am here to ask for prayers - that wisdom will be given to me and my Dr and that things will go smoothly. I will be going to the Dr. apt by myself since my husband will have to work so he can be off on Friday for chemo. So I ask for courage to stand up for myself if need be. I claim Deut. 33:25b -

"as thy days, so shall thy strength be."

I know that this verse has gotten me through the last 5 months and I know that He will continue to give the strength that I need. Thanks so much for the prayers. I really appreciate them! :O)

   

A Healthy Resource

I have found an excellent resource for healthy living.

 Here is a link to the site The World's Healthiest Foods.

 

There is a list of a whole lot of different foods and when you click on them - you are able to find out all sorts of great information about each one. This is a site that I will be book marking and referring to often. :O)  

My Lord's Workshop...

And Jesus being full of the Holy Ghost returned From Jordan, and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, being forty days tempted of the devil

Luke 4:1-2

 

Jesus was full of the Holy Ghost, and yet He was tempted. Temptation often comes upon a man with its strongest power when he is nearest to God. As someone has said, "The devil aims high." He got one apostle to say he did not even know Christ.

 

Very few men have such conflicts with the devil as Martin Luther had. Why? Because Martin Luther was going to shake the very kingdom of hell. Oh, what conflicts John Bunyan had!

 

If a man has much of the Spirit of God, he will have great conflicts with the tempter. God permits temptation because it does for us what the storms do for the oaks--it roots us; and what the fire does for the paintings on the porcelain--it makes them permanent.

 

You never know that you have a grip on Christ, or that He has a grip on you, as well as when the devil is using all his force to attract you from Him; then you feel the pull of Christ's right hand.
--Selected

 

Extraordinary afflictions are not always the punishment of extraordinary sins, but sometimes the trial of extraordinary graces. God hath many sharp-cutting instruments, and rough files for the polishing of His jewels; and those He especially loves, and means to make the most resplendent, He hath oftenest His tools upon.
--Archbishop Leighton

 

I bear my willing witness that I owe more to the fire, and the hammer, and the file, than to anything else in my Lord's workshop. I sometimes question whether I have ever learned anything except through the rod. When my schoolroom is darkened, I see most.
--C. H. Spurgeon

Gardening

Ok, so I said I'd be taking a break but I have some free time and wanted to check in. The last few days have been kind of busy- it will be more busy by Friday but for now it seems it's just my husbands phone that has continued to ring. But today between the rings and calls we have been able to get quite a lot done. We both have really wanted to get a garden going this year, and even though we were not able to do what we really wanted to do- we have found a compromise for this year that allows us to grow quite a few things.

First, what we wanted to do. We used to have an in ground swimming pool, but we got rid of it. So we have a 24 foot round "hole" it's not real deep maybe a foot at most in some areas of it. Our plan was to borrow some machine that would help square up the garden area ( I know there is a name - can't remember - blaming chemo brain). Anyway then get a truckload of dirt hauled in for it. Well that was the plan before cancer raised her ugly head. And so we have had to compromise.

Today my husband built a garden box and we filled it up - well 3/4 of the way - once it rains probably only 1/2 of the way - but that is fine. We will add more dirt later. Anyway he planted corn in that area. We have a patch of walking or Egyptian onions that we need to enlarge the area for them. Because they really do multiply - so if you always make sure you have some you will always have some.



Click Here if you want to find out more - also w here I borrowed this photo from.

What you see here grows at the top of the onion- and then once it gets heavy it will lean to the side and when it hits the ground then you have more onions grow from this. That is how it walks. They are really great to have. My Dad sent me my originals a couple of years ago - and it took a bit for me to figure these guys out- but I am so happy to have them.

Anyway so the plan is to enlarge their garden box- so we can grow a lot of them. They are easily transplanted and I plan to do that so I can get a bigger patch of them - I would like to share some with my mom and my sister as well.

We also got some of our other garden boxed cleaned out and ready to go- we planted 3 beefsteak tomato plants, 2 cherry tomato plants, 4 strawberry plants, Okra seeds, the corn, and a parsley plant.

Last year I started an herb garden- in it I planted sweet basil, rosemary, sage, and oregano. All but the Sweet basil made it through the winter- I was thrilled. So I pulled the sweet basil and planted a parsley plant there for now.

The reason I planted a parsley plant is because my Mom had told me about this "cocktail" that she drinks that is suppose to clean out your kidneys - and be really good for you. Maybe does even more for you - but basically you use pineapple juice, spinach leaves, parsley, water and ice cubes if you would like - and blend it up really good and drink it. Anyway since I am trying to be as health as I can be I am starting to do that ever so often - so it would be very smart to have a parsley plant. I still need to learn more about using fresh herbs, but it is great to have them and be able to grow them.

We have several bell pepper plants to plant. And we are wanting to plant some yellow squash plants and some zucchini seeds. We have bought the plants in the past but end up with squash bug really quickly and I am thinking that they come with the plants. And maybe if we plant from seeds we will not get over run with the bugs quite so fast. So those things will hopefully be planted soon.

And today we also bought 2 black berry plants. We are going to plant them along a fence we have. And hope that we can add to our black berry patch later. We are hoping to be able to eventually grow enough black berries to make up at least one batch of black berry preserves each year. And hoping our strawberry plants- 4 of them do well - and eventually we will probably get a bigger patch of them as well- for the same purpose.

Oh I almost forgot - believe me - my husband would not have let us forget- he also got some cantaloupe and watermelon seeds- so he will be planting those as well.

I am hoping to be able to plant some leaf lettuce as well. I have a garden box ready to plant them. That way I can add more nutrition to my salad.
I have a decent amount of garden books - I am thinking I will be doing more studying of them in order to learn more about gardening. And while I am reading have my highlighters handy so mark the important things to remember. And looking to see what other things I would like to add to what we grow. Green beans for sure when we get a bigger area.

We want to better use our land to provide the things we need. I want to be healthier - eat more produce and get more outside time. What better way then have a garden. I can not wait till next year when we can have our garden area ready!

Just a little break...

Just checking in to let you all know that I am doing well. I am so grateful to be feeling better. I am so very glad that I am nearing the end of this "adventure" the chemo adventure anyway. I think that 5 years will be the soonest that I will really end this "adventure" called cancer- and that is just if it does not come back. But we are believing that the cancer is gone and IF there are any cancer cells left that the chemo will take care of them.

I also wanted to say that I will probably be taking a bit of a blogging break. This evening we found out that my husband's Daddy passed away today. Please be praying for my husband. His Dad was a very closed off person and so my husband was not ever able to really get to know him and I know this will be hard on him. Anyway I might be around to read blogs and such but just don't feel I will have the chance to really focus in order to do a good post- unless I have a good devotional or something else that blesses that I need to share - and then I will just jump right on here and take care of it. I hope you all are doing well. If any of you have any specific prayer request - just leave me a comment. I do pray for each of you every day - I pray that God will bless you in a special way and that He will make His presence known in your life. Be back soon. :o)

Overcast, but the Son of God is shining in my heart

Today is an overcast rainy day. I am very thankful for the rain, because we have been in drought conditions for a couple of years. We still have cracks in the ground because of the lack of rain. As I sit here and enjoy the rain and write this I am also very thankful that my husband was able to get the yard mowed on Friday. This was the first mowing of the year. What is kind of sad is that I think I ended up mowing the first of November. So we had 5 month off from mowing- that's it.

And while he mowed I was able to get some of my weed eating done in the back yard. At least the places up around the house and in the yard close to the house that are hard to get with the lawn mower. I will continue to work on weed eating the yard this week, once it dries up anyway.

I am feeling much better now. I think that I only have one treatment left has helped me tremendously. It seems that the last couple of times I have dreaded the next chemo more and more each time. Don't get me wrong- I still dread my next chemo. Especially since it will be on Good Friday and since our son will have his daughter that weekend. Which will put more pressure on me to make it a special week end for her. I can't wait till this is over and I'm feeling better and able to do more with her. Anyway it seems that only having one more chemo has really helped my spirits. I think the fact that I am coming more to a place of acceptance with having the cancer in the first place and believing more and more that God is in control and that He is gonna work things out for His glory. Just like we are told in Romans:

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 

And when you begin to trust God more and more to work out, even the painful trials in your life, for His Glory-it makes it much easier to accept and go through. And I think I am seeing His hand at work more and more. 

Yesterday at church I was given the opportunity to share of a few experiences in my life when I could see the hand of God protect me. And it felt good to be able to lift Jesus up. 

We'll I need to get off of here and get on with my day. I hope you all have a blessed day- no matter what your weather is like the son of God can shine on you! God bless :0)

Chariot or Juggernaut Car- What will it be?

Today - I wanted to share the devotional that I had today- in my "Streams in the Desert" devotional book. This goes so much with what I said about trying not to be depressed or discouraged because it makes us weaker and more likely to become victims of the adversary. I hope it blesses you as much as it blessed me. :O)

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Then Elisha prayed, “O Lord, open his eyes so he can see.” The Lord opened the servant’s eyes and he saw that the hill was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

2 Kings 6:17

This is the prayer we need to pray for ourselves and for one another, “Lord, open our eyes that we may see”; for the world all around us, as well as around the prophet, is full of God’s horses and chariots, waiting to carry us to places of glorious victory. And when our eyes are thus opened, we shall see in all events of life, whether great or small, whether joyful or sad, a “chariot” for our souls.

 

Everything that comes to us becomes a chariot the moment we treat it as such; and, on the other hand, even the smallest trial may be a Juggernaut car to crush us into misery or despair if we consider it.

 

It lies with each of us to choose which they shall be. It all depends, not upon what these events are, but upon how we take them. If we lie down under them, and let them roll over us and crush us, they become Juggernaut cars, but if we climb up into them, as into a car of victory, and make them carry us triumphantly onward and upward, they become the chariots of God.
—Hannah Whitall Smith

 

The Lord cannot do much with a crushed soul, hence the adversary’s attempt to push the Lord’s people into despair and hopelessness over the condition of themselves, or of the church. It has often been said that a dispirited army goes forth to battle with the certainty of being beaten. We heard a missionary say recently that she had been invalided home purely because her spirit had fainted, with the consequence that her body sunk also. We need to understand more of these attacks of the enemy upon our spirits and how to resist them. If the enemy can dislodge us from our position, then he seeks to “wear us out” (Daniel 7:25) by a prolonged siege, so that at last we, out of sheer weakness, let go the cry of victory.

The Battle is the Lord's

Well the good news is that so far today _ I am feeling better. Yesterday was a rough day. I just struggled with feeling yucky all day long. I had even kept taking my Zofran. I finally by evening decided to take the breakthrough medicine that the Dr had prescribed. And so far I am feeling better. I could kick myself- really. I had been so afraid to introduce something new that I did not know how I would react to- especially when I developed a bad reaction to the hydrocodone I was taking for pain. Anyway so yesterday I found a private group on Facebook that is for women with Endometrial cancer- Praise the Lord!! There are ALOT of women with this kind of cancer- and why it is so hard to find a place on the Internet for us - I have no understand. But I am thankful that God led me to this group of women. Anyway after reading a few things some of the ladies had to say - I thought - Ok - I already feel crappy - what can it hurt to take this pill. So I broke it in half and took one before bed. And did good with it. I am SO hoping that on my Chemo #6 - I will have better luck with keeping the nausea under control. I can hope.

I am still having aches and pains - but not horrible. Bearable with motrin. And that is nice. And the neuropathy is still bothering me - but I know I will have to deal with that till months after chemo is finished. I just hope I don't have more problems with neuropathy- after chemo is finished like some people experience.

This week in my devotional book - I have read about how a person really needs to stay away from feeling discouraged and depressed. That when you are feeling this way - it is easier for the devil to attack and win. Well this is something I really need to work on, because this time period after chemo - the first week when I am struggling with all the side effects- It is so easy for me to feel discouraged and depressed. I try to hard to turn it around as soon as I can. But it is very difficult - when your body is going through so much physical attack to keep from going to that dark place. Anyway the good news is that God's grace is enough for me and He supplies everything that I need in the battle. I just need to trust in Him. I am so thankful for His grace and mercy and especially His love. He has told me over and over again - "Be still and know that I am God" And "I shall fight for you and you shall hold your peace." This is not a battle I have to fight or win- this is the Lord's battle. I will keep my eyes on Him and He shall fight for me. :O)

Turning the AC On....

So this afternoon it got pretty warm in our house - about 78 degrees. I know that is not horrible. But when I am already having problems with heat flashes- caused by the chemo. So I decided to close the windows and turn the AC on. I am so thankful that I did. It is mid 80's outside. Suppose to be this kind of temps for the next couple of days. Friday will find us with cooler temps. So happy to hear that.

I'm doing alright. I am still battling this nausea feeling. And today it feels like it has got the upper hand, which is frustrating because you would think since I am taking the breakthrough meds- I would be feeling better - but just feel like all day long I have had to fight this feeling. I guess I have not figured out the balance of how to keep that crappy feeling at bay. They say to stay on top of it cause if it gets out of hand it is hard to get it back under control. Well that is hard for me to do. Basically because I don't want to take a lot of meds unnecessarily.

The good news is that each day that I get through - the closer I get to feeling better. But I will be honest this feeling crappy can really cause me to be emotional. Especially knowing that I have one more treatment to get through. And to know that you are going to have to face this crappy feeling ......again......well it is hard. Think about the last time you were sick and felt horrible. Now imagine that you know for sure in 3 weeks time or less - you WILL - not may - but WILL feel that crappy again - if not worse.... see it's no fun.

So anyway - I am thankful for the AC today! How is the weather where you are today?